Friday, November 10, 2006

The Age - "Our state's moral sidestep" by Carol Nadar

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IN THE old city watchhouse, a group of people converged one night last month to talk about abortion. Invitations went out to every member of State Parliament. Some did not respond. Some sent excuses. Only one turned up.

The forum was organised by Reproductive Choice Australia, a group lobbying the political parties to decriminalise abortion. The trouble is that right now in Victoria, two weeks away from an election, politicians don't much want to talk about tricky, sensitive issues such as abortion.

Apart from two Greens candidates, the one sitting member of Parliament who did attend was retiring Labor MP Carolyn Hirsh — who only months ago was considering moving a private member's bill to remove abortion from the Crimes Act. Her attempts were soon shut down by Premier Steve Bracks' spin doctors.

Abortion is just one of the moral issues that politicians have been avoiding, and that Bracks has deferred making decisions on, in the lead-up to the election.

Bracks and Opposition Leader Ted Baillieu have told voters what they intend to do about stamp duty, hospitals, schools and transport. But when Victorians cast their vote on November 25, they will be uncertain about whether a Bracks or Baillieu government would decriminalise abortion, make IVF available to single women and lesbians or remove the barriers that make surrogacy virtually impossible in this state. The Greens are the only party willing to show their hand on abortion, declaring it should be decriminalised.

While Victoria has been leading the push in some ethically fraught areas such as stem cell research, it remains one of the most conservative states when it comes to regulation of women's reproductivity. Despite being widely available, abortion remains technically part of the Crimes Act — even though the state Labor Party has decriminalisation as part of its policy platform. And when it comes to issues such as IVF and, recently and publicly, surrogacy, Victoria is far behind NSW.

Lesbians for years have been crossing the border to Albury to fulfil their dream of having a baby. And this week, Labor senator Stephen Conroy revealed that he and his wife, who could not conceive naturally, had left their home state of Victoria to organise for a friend to be their surrogate. The baby was conceived using Conroy's sperm and another woman's eggs and the resulting embryo was implanted into the surrogate.

Surrogacy can help women who have a damaged uterus or can't manage a pregnancy for health reasons. But in Victoria, the law makes it so difficult as to be nearly impossible for couples to enter surrogacy arrangements. Victorian law requires the surrogate herself to be infertile. NSW has no such restrictions.

Many gay Australian men now head to the US, where surrogacy is big business, spending sometimes tens of thousands of dollars to produce a baby.

State Opposition Leader Ted Baillieu this week called for a uniform national approach to surrogacy laws, and said the "state hopping" needed to end. Bracks — along with Health Minister Bronwyn Pike and Opposition health spokeswoman Helen Shardey — will only say he is waiting for a final report by the Victorian Law Reform Commission, which is investigating the issue. The commission has already released draft recommendations describing the law as "irrational" and urging the Government to clarify it. It is not due to table its final report in Parliament until early next year.

The commission has also released a draft report on access to IVF, recommending that single women and lesbians should be granted access to fertility treatment, regardless of whether or not they are medically infertile. Victorian laws now restrict most fertile women from this treatment. While Pike says, rather vaguely, that she is in favour of "equal opportunity legislation", the Government has repeatedly refused to comment on IVF access, again using the final report's completion as an excuse.

Baillieu says he believes IVF should be solely between a man and a woman, although he hasn't said whether those views would hinder a debate on the issue if he were premier.

Victoria was one of the first places in the world to introduce IVF technology and was quick to legislate. As a result though, regulation in Victoria is more restrictive than in other jurisdictions such as NSW and the ACT.

Monash University senior lecture in politics Nick Economou does not believe moral issues are a vote swinger. They're issues that tend to be of concern to a small but noisy minority.

"State politics revolves around financial management, major programs, infrastructure. This stuff about morality politics is the preoccupation of the people actually getting into Parliament.

"This is not a matter that so much has the potential to cause big problems in the electorate," he says. "It's something that has the potential to cause big problems in the major parties."

When Pike, who is pro-choice, controversially decided to impose 48-hour cooling-off periods for women seeking late-term abortions last year, the backlash from pro-choice politicians within her own party was swift and fierce. Women in her own party openly criticised her. She was quickly forced to retreat. No one within Labor would want to make a similar mistake now.

"There is great potential for these sorts of morality issues to divide parliamentary parties," Economou says. "You don't have to have a large number of people prepared to depart from their colleagues to cause a problem. This is the reason why we're seeing an increase in conscience voting in the Federal Parliament, because (Prime Minister John) Howard has exactly the same problem. His party has a division between hardline social conservatives and small "l" liberals."

But whether politicians like it or not, these ethically fraught issues won't go away. The fact that there have been two conscience votes in Federal Parliament this year — on the abortion drug RU486 and stem cells — demonstrates that.

Many quietly suspect that Bracks will allow a conscience vote on decriminalising abortion after November 25, although he hasn't said this.

Medical ethicist Leslie Cannold, a member of Reproductive Choice Australia, believes that by not telling people what his intentions are, Bracks is going for the lowest risk option. As she puts it, he is essentially saying, "Don't worry your pretty little head about it."

Economou says if Bracks and Baillieu make it clear where they stand on issues, it would strengthen their position if they end up governing. "Sometimes the government hand is made stronger in policy debates if they raise issues in an election campaign and then they can claim a mandate for them," he says.

When ACT politician Wayne Berry flagged his intention during an election campaign to put up a private member's bill in the territory to decriminalise abortion in 2001, he found it actually helped him get re-elected. Despite being targeted by the right-to-life lobby, he says he earned the respect of his constituents by telling them what his plans were. "Overwhelmingly, my experience has been that people in the community oppose criminal sanctions for abortion," he says. His bill passed in 2002.

The ACT remains the only region where abortion has been fully decriminalised, although each state has provisions for the procedure to be performed if the mother's mental or physical health is at risk.

Carolyn Hirsh is still hopeful that what she started might be accomplished. "I'm hoping that both parties after the election will act on these very important issues."

In Victoria, the Government has managed, if anything, to unite the warring parties in the abortion debate in their frustration at its non-stance. "If they were proud of what their intentions were, they would tell us," says Denise Cameron, president of Pro-Life Victoria, a member of the Coalition Against the Decriminalisation of Abortion. "Why the reticence? Why the coyness?"

The pro-life lobby have been taking their anti-decriminalisation message to the steps of Parliament, dropping leaflets in letterboxes in several electorates — including those of Bracks and Attorney-General Rob Hulls — and taking out huge advertisements in newspapers.

Leslie Cannold says she just wants the parties to be frank about what they are offering.

"The question is not how do you personally feel in your heart of hearts. The question is if you have power, what would you do on this issue?" she says. "That's what I think voters are entitled to know, on the abortion issue and on every issue."
ABORTION: THE LAWS

VICTORIA Can be done under Menhennitt ruling if risk to woman's physical or mental health.

ACT In the Health Act, cooling off period 72 hours after counselling.

NSW Lawful if there is danger to a woman's physical or mental health.

QLD Lawful if for the preservation of the woman's life.

SA Must be approved by two doctors, unless it is necessary for woman's health or to save her life.

WA Doctor can be guilty of an offence unless abortion is performed in good faith and with reasonable care and justified so that woman has freely given informed consent or has social, personal or medical reasons.

NT Up to 14 weeks permitted on grounds of maternal health or foetal disability.

TASMANIA Two doctors must certify that the pregnancy would risk the woman's health.

SOURCE: ABORTION AND THE LAW IN AUSTRALIA,

AUSTRALIAN FAMILY PHYSICIAN, NOVEMBER 2006

Carol Nader is The Age's health reporter.


[Link: Original Article]
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Sunday, October 1, 2006

Law Institute Journal - Minority Groups Ignored by New Family Laws" by Harriet Morley

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Children of same sex couples and cross border relationships have been forgotten in the new family law changes. This article points out that there is a significant number of children growing up with same sex parents, and argues that their interests should be recognised. It also examines the way the Family Law Amendment (Shared Parental Responsibility) Act treats separating families when the parents come from different countries.

[Source: Law Institute Journal v.80 no.10 Oct 2006: 20-21]
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Thursday, August 31, 2006

Sydney Star Observer - "Celebrating Gay Dads' Day" by Ian Gould

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A GROUP OF NSW GAY DADS WILL CELEBRATE FAMILY AND IMPROVE VISIBILITY THIS FATHER’S DAY WEEKEND.

When Reymon Leglise and his three children attend a picnic in Centennial Park with friends this Saturday, they’ll be just another group celebrating the Father’s Day weekend.

But they also hope to increase the profile of gay fathers and their children, as prejudice against some gay men who choose to have kids persists.

Leglise runs Gay Dads And their Young (GDAY), a social group he set up two years ago to support fathers like himself.

“The biggest challenge has been if you’re gay and you have children, you’re instantly classified as being a pedophile, which is quite an ugly stereotype to be faced with,” he said.

“But I’ve found with time a lot of people are starting to come around as well. They’re realising now that [we’re] simply dads with their children, same as every other family.”

GDAY now has about 20 families and includes around 30 kids.

“Something which surprised me was the diversity of some of the fathers,” Leglise, a father of three children from a past heterosexual relationship, said.

“In the group now we have dads who were originally donor dads, we have foster dads and we’ve also got a couple from England who adopted their two children before coming to Australia.”

Dom Gili, another gay dad and convenor of the Gay Dads NSW information and support group, agrees the gay fathers events are helping improve visibility.

Gay Dads NSW is co-organising this Saturday’s picnic with GDAY. They are expecting more than 20 families on the day.

“I’ve heard a lot of dads say that their biggest regret in coming out is that they thought that they were giving up the opportunity of having kids,” Gili told the Star.

“We’re showing gay men that that opportunity still exists. That’s not something they have to give up in coming out.”

After the picnic Leglise and Gili plan to celebrate Father’s Day on Sunday at home with their respective children, just like dads across the country.

“Hopefully I’ll get breakfast in bed,” Leglise said.

info

The GDAY/ Gay Dads NSW picnic is on Saturday 2 September in Centennial Park from 2pm to 5pm. For more information email monny_l@bigpond.com or info@gaydadsnsw.com.au.

[Link: Original Article]
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Thursday, June 1, 2006

Australian Family Lawyer - "Parental status for lesbian mothers having children through assisted conception" by Jenni Millbank

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What are the available options for legal recognition of co mothers - the partners of lesbian birth mothers - in Australia? This article discusses: the availability of consent orders from the Family Court; adoption by the co parent in Western Australia, the Australian Capital Territory and Tasmania; status of children presumptions in WA, the Northern Territory and the ACT; and birth certificates and portability in state and federal law.

[Source: Australian Family Lawyer v.19 no.1 Winter 2006: 6-11]
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NSW Parliamentary Library Research Service - "Legal Recognition of Same Sex Relationships" by Karian Anthony & Talian Drabsch

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The legal recognition of same sex relationships in New South Wales continues to elicit much debate. This paper explores the various relationship recognition models; the development of same sex relationship recognition in NSW; parenting issues; the definition of marriage and the development of the law on marriage in Australia; issues relating to children; relevant provisions of international treaties; recognition of same sex relationships in other states and territories; approaches to the law on adoption and assisted reproductive technology; the legal treatment of same sex marriage in Canada, Europe, New Zealand, the United Kingdom and the United States of America; human rights and equal opportunity issues in Australia; the arguments for and against same sex marriage; the arguments for and against same sex parenting; and access to assisted reproductive technologies.

[Link: Full Report]
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Monday, May 29, 2006

The Daily Telegraph - "Gay-friendly centre angers parents"

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THE Mayor of a Sydney suburb whose council-funded childcare centre teaches a gay and lesbian "friendly" curriculum has been rebuked by a Federal Minister and earnt the ire of family groups.
Marrickville Mayor Sam Byrne has backed the controversial curriculum taught at the council-run Tillman Park Childcare Centre in Tempe.

The mayor defended the use of gay-friendly story books to "challenge the perception" of children aged from six weeks to six years about gay, lesbian and "transgender" parenting.

He backed the Learn to Include books as "broadening the minds of our future generation".

But The Daily Telegraph can today reveal that some parents enrolling children at Tillman Park were not told of the books.

Mother-of-four Bobbie Davies, whose daughter is due to start at the centre, said she did not see why three-year-old Abby needed to be exposed to adult concepts.

Ms Davies, 26, said the children were "too young" to grasp gay and lesbian issues or sexual identity.

"The under-fives, don't need to know about sex," she said.

Ms Davies said she would consider asking the centre why they thought it appropriate to introduce such concepts.

Somchai Saelao, whose son Joey went to the Tillman Park centre last year, said it was more appropriate to teach young children social skills.

Federal Family and Community Services Minister Mal Brough called the curriculum "ridiculous".

As family groups demanded he cut taxpayer subsidies to the centre, Mr Brough said it was time to "let kids be kids".

"Read them fairytales and not make their life more complicated. At that age children should be fingerpainting and having fun, not learning about social behaviour which many parents regard as beyond their years," he said.

The Australian Family Association's NSW branch said the childcare centre was usurping the rights of parents to teach their children about sex and family structures.

"This message goes right over the heads of most kids,' spokesman Damian Tudehope said.

Family Council of Victoria spokesman Bill Muehlenberg said the centre was trying to push an ideological agenda.

"They are using children as guinea pigs in adult culture wars," he said.

Gay and Lesbian Rights Lobby spokesman David Scammel said Marrickville had one of the highest proportion of gay and lesbian households in the country.

'It is important to point out that this is not about sex education, it's about teaching children really basic life skills about acceptance and understanding and valuing diversity,' he said.

Greens MP Lee Rhiannon supported Mr Byrne and was confident other councils would implement the program.

"These programs help create healthy attitudes among pre-schoolers," she said.

Repeated attempts by The Daily Telegraph to contact Mr Byrne yesterday were unsuccessful.

[Link: Original Article]
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Sunday, May 28, 2006

ABC TV - Australian Story - "Fathers' Day"

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Over the last ten years Australian Story has featured many families of all sorts of background and make-up, but probably none as challenging as the extended household viewers will meet on Monday night.

When Paul Van Reyk set out to have a child more than 20 years ago, he was trying to make a political statement. He says: "It seemed wrong to me that gay men and women were excluded from having children."

So when a single, straight friend wanted to have a child, he agreed to marry her – 'to give the child legal protection' - but with no intention of helping to raise the child, a daughter, Mary. One thing led to another; other friends, straight and gay sought his help, and now Paul Van Reyk has six children with five different mothers - all part of one big extended family with Van Reyk at the centre. He suspects, there may be another half dozen children out there somewhere.

Paul Van Reyk broke the news of his fecundity to his own parents on Fathers Day 2003. They knew about Mary, but not the other children. Paul Van Reyk says: "I said Dad, I've got a special present. I brought out the pictures of all the other kids and I just put them across the table and said 'these are your other grandchildren'.
He was stunned but he just kept grinning..."

CAROLINE JONES, PRESENTER: Hello, I'm Caroline Jones. Tonight, a story likely to provoke strong feelings and intense discussion. At its heart, the issue of family and concepts of fatherhood and paternal responsibility. It's an area where science and social change are combining to present new challenges. When Sydney man Paul Van Reyk set out to become a parent more than 20 years ago, his intention was to make a political statement and to embark on a social experiment. Against all expectations, Paul Van Reyk has ended up at the centre of a large family. But probably not the model of 'family' Peter Costello had in mind when he recommended "One child for Mum, one for Dad and one for the country." This is Paul Van Reyk's story.

MARY VAN REYK, DAUGHTER: Cooking is a vital part of Daddy Paul's life. I’ve never remembered a time when he hasn't been working on some new recipe or ingredient that he's discovered that's just going to blow us all away. And he absolutely loves it. So, it's a really vital part of his life. And I think he enjoys catering because he loves getting people together for a big meal and a cook-up and that's basically what catering is to him.

RAJ WAKELING, SON: He'll usually do a big cook-up 'cause he's just famous for doing that for pretty much all the events he holds here. And as many of us that can make it will come along, all the extended family will come on down and kind of just spend the afternoon together, exchange gifts and, yeah, I guess just come together and just show our appreciation for him and for what he's done for us all.

PAUL VAN REYK: Father’s Day, for me, is usually a lot of hard work because, mostly, it's Father's Day at my place and mostly it means "Dad's going to cook for all of us." I think when I was growing up, Father's Day wasn't that important, it was just something you had to kind of do. But now that I'm a dad, um, yeah, Father’s Day is a pretty special time. It's a time when we're all kind of there.

DAVID VAN REYK, BROTHER: I'm Paul's brother. I'm married myself and I've got kids. I would describe the sort of big part of Paul's family as a hoot because it's different to a lot of other people's experience. So, there's the novelty of it. But, also, it's an enjoyable experience. My own nuclear family is quite conventional and quite simple. So there's that aspect, as well, knowing that there's sort of an intricacy about Paul's family.

MARY VAN REYK, DAUGHTER: I've always been aware that my family situation was different to everyone else's. I never had an idea of a set nuclear family. I always thought that everyone's family was their own unique mishmash.

RAJ WAKELING, SON: There's just so many different types of families out there that to have this definition of a 'nuclear family' of this perfect situation, this 'right way' of doing things is just - I think it's laughable because there's so many other successful ways to raise a kid today.

PAUL VAN REYK: I don't think gay men are anti-kid. I don't think that they're gay because they don't like children or don't want to have children. I've never had a negative reaction from a gay man to my being a father, a parent. I've had jealousy, I've had surprise. I've had intrigue, curiosity. I've never had anybody go, "Ugh! How could you?" Never that response. Is it the sexuality that matters or is it the quality of the relationship with that child, you know? There are some pretty awful heterosexual fathers and we know that.

MARY VAN REYK, DAUGHTER: He has terrible taste in clothes as a drag queen. Really bad. At the Mardi Gras, the Dolly Parton float, he had this horrible brown-gold number and he had tried it on before but he'd forgotten, as Dolly Parton, he has assets and when he added those assets, he couldn't actually do up the back of the dress because it didn't fit them in.

PAUL VAN REYK: In a way, we are John Howard's worst nightmare. We have the values that he would, I think, espouse families ought to have, but we have nothing like the restrictive structure he wants to place on the idea of 'family'. My family were from Sri Lanka. In the late 1950s, Sri Lanka was becoming politically unstable. They decided to seek a new life and move to Australia in 1962. A few weeks after I arrived, I had my 10th birthday. I used to collect pictures of guys from TV. I wanted to hang around with the good-looking, strong guys at school. The coming-out process itself took a long time, took a couple of years, and certainly wasn't easy. I actually had a nervous breakdown over it and it was at that stage that I recognised that I had to do something about the fact that I was a gay man. 'Cause otherwise I was going to, yes, spin out very, very badly. When I came out, one of my first things to do was to become a political activist in the gay movement. And I started organising a national conference. And being an outspoken kind of a person, I knew I would be, inevitably, on the media and I had to say to folks, "Hey, guess what? This is happening and any day now, you might see me as a gay man splashed across the papers, so you need to know I'm gay."

DAVID VAN REYK, BROTHER: I think, coming from the background that they did, they were quite distressed, initially. I guess their fear was for things like Paul would be punished in some ways - like, in terms of, like, I guess, going to hell or something like that.

PAUL VAN REYK: As a gay activist, I'd always campaigned against the traditional, conservative, patriarchal family. It seemed wrong to me that gay men and lesbian women were excluded from having children. When I was at university, I had a friend called Diane, who was straight. Years later, when she wanted to have a child, she asked if I would be the father. I didn't want to have a child. I had no thoughts of having children. But here was a very close friend of mine who wanted a child and she wanted it with me. It would seem a natural thing to say, "Sure, why not?" When I got married to Diane, it wasn't to form any sort of relationship. And we weren't going to live together or raise a child together. It was to give the child legal protection.

MARGARET BAIL, FAMILY FRIEND: If you're going to be announcing that you have a child, people are going to ask questions. So I think it made it, in some ways, easier and put a kind of so-called 'normal' framework around a slightly different arrangement.

PAUL VAN REYK: And I remember very clearly the minute Mary was born, looking down at this child. Diane held her once, said, "Paul, I'm going to sleep. You look after her." And I then sat with Mary for the first hours of her life.

MARY VAN REYK, DAUGHTER: I can't remember not knowing that Paul was my biological dad. Our relationship is… I can't describe it. Our relationship is…it's been - it changes over the years. Like, when I was little, you know, he was… he got to spoil me a lot. Take me overseas and when I came to the city, it would be a big event.

PAUL VAN REYK: Mary grew up with her mother, Diane. But I've always had a lot of contact with Mary. Over the years, she's stayed with me often and we've formed a very strong bond. I think the relationship I have with Mary is a combination of father and uncle and friend. I think it's a very warm relationship. I absolutely adore her and I'd walk a mile of hot coals for her. I find it surprising the times that I get jealous when other people have her time and I don't. We enjoy a lot of the same kind of music. We enjoy the same kinds of movies. We…I think we communicate really well together. I have a son called Raj. He's my second child. He loves being on stage. He's a real rock god. Raj's situation was different to Mary's. While Mary's mother was straight, Raj was brought up by a lesbian couple who were friends of mine.

RAJ WAKELING, SON: They were a couple and they raised me together as two mothers. And I was probably one of the earliest children to be raised in that situation.

MARY VAN REYK, DAUGHTER: Raj is the brother who's closest to me in age. We're only a few months apart. So we're kind of the big bosses of the siblings. And Raj is like a really great friend.

RAJ WAKELING, SON: The band's called Drop Drive. And we play a kind of mixture of heavy styles. Like, a bit of metal, a bit of hardcore, a bit of punk rock. I'm the singer of the band and for me, there's no question, that's just what I have to do in a band. It's just my calling. Paul and Mary are probably the most diehard Drop Drive fans there are, actually. They came to all our early gigs and they've always been really, really supportive, which has been great.

PAUL VAN REYK: Look, I'm a performer myself. I've had a stint of acting, I've had a stint of singing, publicly. And I get thrilled by seeing a son of mine also doing this kind of performance.

RAJ WAKELING, SON: My mothers can't be in the story for a couple of reasons. One being that I do have a younger brother. He's still in high school and, as was the case for me, it's just not easy to be open about that. You leave yourself wide open to all sorts of criticism and aggression and bullying. When I was at school, I knew that I had to keep the situation private from my friends. I knew that I couldn't really talk about it openly with them. Once they realised what I meant, it would probably just be met with anger and aggression. And I was made aware of that, by my parents, early on and they did warn me to watch what I said and to keep a certain level of secretism. Just to keep it private. I guess all any child really wants, growing up, is love and care and understanding. And I think that can be provided from anyone that is close to you and spends that much time with you and that takes on that responsibility of being a parent.

BRONWYN LEECE, FRIEND: I'd always wanted to have children. I always imagined that I would have a few children. I'd hit 35 and wasn't in a relationship and obviously hadn't had a child. So, rather than face the situation then, I worked overseas for a couple of years as a volunteer in India doing HIV education. When I returned, some more time passed and I reached 40 and realised that I couldn't postpone it any longer and that I needed to face the situation of having a child on my own. I knew that the process wouldn't be simple and it wouldn't be quick. I needed to look around and see about going to a donor insemination clinic. It was just like going to a doctor's surgery, really, and spoke to the doctor and he discussed what my options were as a single woman. Some of the sperm donors had actually stipulated at the time of their donation that they had a preference to not give their sperm to single women or to lesbian couples. As I looked into the process and thought more about it, it was important to me that I find a donor who would be known to my child.

PAUL VAN REYK: I'd known Bronwyn for a couple of years through health work and also her interest in India and Sri Lanka. And we'd grown to be quite good friends. I visited her when she was in India, for example. Bronwyn's a very strong woman. A very capable woman. She was a really good friend. A friend who I thought would make a damn good mother. And who ought to have the child that she wanted. And that's what that was about. It wasn't about making a point about single mothers.

BRONWYN LEECE, FRIEND: I was overwhelmed by his offer. It was so generous, and so unexpected.

PAUL VAN REYK: Donoring is simply the act of a male, in some way, making his sperm available to a woman who wants to have a child. Oh, it's hilarious. I mean, donoring can be very, very funny. Um, I would not be the first donor who has looked at how much sperm he has managed to ejaculate and thought, "That ain't going to be enough." So, I donored to Bronwyn and she has a child called Arlo.

BRONWYN LEECE, FRIEND: After my son Arlo was born, Paul and Mary came to the hospital the next day to see him. It's really because of Paul's generosity that I've been able to have Arlo and that has been a wonderful gift. It's been immensely generous and an unimaginable experience, I think, for me until I had Arlo. He's brought a huge amount of joy into my life and I know into the lives of a lot of other people as well.

JENNI MILLBANK, SYDNEY UNI, LAW FACULTY: I guess what's unusual about Paul Van Reyk is that he was donating to single women and lesbian families 20 and 25 years ago. So he was really at the forefront of a movement where same sex families now are much more common than they were then. And parenting aspirations were much less culturally acceptable for lesbians and gay men then than they are now.

PAUL VAN REYK: With Bronwyn, the agreement was similar to that with Raj's mum. She was basically going to be the full-time carer, the provider, the financial support. I was there as the father figure.

BROWNWYN LEECE, FRIEND: He was very clear that it was not going to be a financial commitment of any kind, and I certainly wasn't seeking that. I was seeking a donor and that was the extent of it.

JENNI MILLBANK, SYDNEY UNI. LAW FACULTY: To date, the family court has held that sperm donors are not parents. But there have been a couple of judges in some cases who've suggested that they would quite like to find that known donors are parents under the act. And they've suggested that they have the power to do so, regardless of what the State law is. So, if you did have a decision that a sperm donor was a parent, um, I think you would have room for a great deal more conflict, because someone who wasn't intended to be a parent would then be able to make decisions about health, welfare, where the children lived and so on. And that is usually not the basis upon which, um, the…the…parents have agreed to form a family together.

PAUL VAN REYK: I can understand that some donors might want formal agreements with the mothers to cover future problems, like, maybe maintenance payments. But I've never worried about that. I basically trust the verbal agreements I've got with the mothers. But if I was ever asked, I'd accept my responsibility. I chose to have the kids and I should be prepared to act accordingly. I'm quite open and comfortable with the fact that I have a better deal than a live-in parent. I don't have the anxiety, I don't have the workload. I don't have the terror, the pain. Any of that. And that's fine. My parents have always known about Mary. They knew from the start that I was having a child with Diane and that we'd got married, and for all of Mary's life, they have been her grandparents.

MARY VAN REYK, DAUGHTER: I did know my grandmother. I used to stay at her house a fair bit when I was younger, which was a bit funny because I couldn't mention Raj or any of the other kids, so that was… I remember Dad explaining that to me. You know, I thought it was a bit exciting because I was a little kid, you know, having secrets, you know. Yeah, I think it was on Fathers Day, Dad told them all.

PAUL VAN REYK: My parents only knew that I had Mary as my child. But a couple of years ago I told them that I, in fact, had five other children. All up, I have six children with five mothers.

MARGARET BAIL, FAMILY FRIEND: When he decided that it was time that he let them know about the other children, everyone was quite nervous and wondered how they'd take it.

PAUL VAN REYK: And I said, "And, Dad, I've got a special present for you." And I reached into my pocket and I brought out the pictures of all the other kids and I just put them across the table and I said, "These are your other grandchildren." Oh, man. And he just beamed, he just absolutely beamed. He was stunned, but just kept grinning.

MARY VAN REYK, DAUGHTER: Yeah, I think they were quite surprised because, you know, Daddy Paul being gay, they thought, you know, I was a bit of a one-off but having another five was pretty unbelievable.

BRONWYN LEECE, FAMILY FRIEND: I've got quite a small biological family and a larger family of friends. It's been a real bonus for Arlo and I to be swept up into this much larger sense of community and part of a big, extended family who we see fairly regularly.

PAUL VAN REYK: Gee, when I first started with Mary I had no knowledge that here at 53 I was going to end up with this complex series of relationships with a number of kids and mothers and their partners and whatever. About a year and a half ago I had a call from another lesbian friend of mine saying, "Oh, look, would you consider donating?" And I started asking the other mums, because I figured I have to ask them now, would it be OK. And they said, "Oh, it's up to you. Do what you like." I asked Mary and she said, "No."

MARY VAN REYK, DAUGHTER: And I told him that I didn't want to have any more brothers or sisters because I felt like that I was, it sounds funny, but that I was getting too old to have any more brothers or sisters.

PAUL VAN REYK: I said, "What do you mean 'no'?" She said, "I cannot handle the thought that you…that I would be 21 and you would have a baby. So, please, no." Um, and I accepted that and said no. I absolutely understood that I have to make these choices now in relation to people who get more impacted by the choices that I make.

MARY VAN REYK, DAUGHTER: Donoring isn't just about the parents and the donor. It's also about the other people who are in the family and how…because we're such a close family and we do see each other all the time, how bringing a new person into it is going to affect everyone else in the relationship.

RAJ WAKELING, SON: We kind of wonder if it's going to get a bit hard to keep track of all these kids at some stage. Ah, yeah I mean, we laugh about it, but at the end of the day we are family and we definitely want to maintain those close bonds.

PAUL VAN REYK: I think people may make assumptions that the children of lesbians and gay men are either, inevitably, are going to be forced to be gay and lesbians themselves. My two eldest kids, Mary and Raj, are heterosexual. Do I care? Not in the least. Whoever they love is who they love.

MARY VAN REYK, DAUGHTER: I'm heterosexual and I have a very nice boyfriend.

RAJ WAKELING, SON: Some people might assume that because I have lesbian mothers and a gay dad that I would turn out to be gay, but the truth of the matter is, I'm heterosexual. And I'm 100% confident in that.

PAUL VAN REYK: After I had made the first donations to Raj's mum, I was approached by other lesbians who knew that I was prepared to donate. It's possible that I have other children out there because I have donated to other lesbians where part of the deal was that I would not know if they did conceive a child. It's possible that I could have up to another six children somewhere. So, I would have a dozen children all up.

MARY VAN REYK, DAUGHTER: If my dad has donored other children that we don't know about, I'd really like to know them because I always like having more brothers and sisters. And I think that they should have the right to know that we're around and that they have not just a dad but brothers and sisters as well. I always freak out Raj because we have another sister, well, I know for sure that we have one sister that we've never met, and I always tease him and say that he has to be careful who he kisses in a dance party or a club because it could be his sister.

PAUL VAN REYK: I'd love to meet the other kids. Absolutely. Having seen the ones that I have seen grow up, I'd be delighted to see who these other six were. And to see what part of me and my family stream, my genes, are there.

MARGARET BAIL, FAMILY FRIEND: Well, my sexist opinion is that blokes like to have kids and they see it as a sign of their own sort of machismo, or whatever it is, to have as many kids as possible, so…you know, people like to take pride in maybe 30, 40 kids. I think Paul probably dreams of the day when he's sitting with an ever larger extended family around him.

PAUL VAN REYK: I think my kids are going to be very scared of me as an old man. I keep threatening them that like King Lear I'm going to spend two months of every year with them in turn. Look, I think I'm going to be incredibly lucky to have kids as I grow older. I don't fear growing older and being alone or isolated. I have a very rich set of relationships that’ll support me.

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