Shepparton News - "A Rainbow Family" by Kim Stephens

Lesbian Mums Welcome Little Bundle of Joy with Open Arms

Violet town couple Rowena Allen and Kaye Bradshaw joke their baby daughter Alexandra will probably one day nervously come to them to say she likes boys.

"Statistically, the odds are she will be heterosexual," Ms Allen said yesterday.

"But we'll still love her anyway," Ms Bradshaw finished.

The Lesbian couple's leap-day baby is a special bundle of joy for more than just her February 29 birth date.

While gay families such as theirs are increasingly common and readily accepted in urban settings, in more conservative country settings the concept remains relatively rare.

"We knew we were going to be trailblazers," Ms Allen, who gave birth to ALexandra, said.

"We thought about doing it in Melbourne but we really wanted to have here in our community."

Alexandra was born at Goulburn valley Base Hospital, capping off what Ms Allen jokingly described as "a bizarre rainbow family".

Ms Bradshaw has two sons, aged 19 and 20, while Alexandra's father - the couple's gay Melbourne friend Ian Seal - also has two sons of similar ages, all of whom have been thrilled by the latest addition to their families.

"They have all said she will be very well protected if anything should happen when she gets to school," Ms Bradshaw said.

Ms Bradshaw, 46, and Ms Allen, 35, also agreed Mr Seal would continue to play a pivotal role in his daughter's life and would always be "dad" to her.

They both said they were fully aware fo the reaction bringing Alexandra into their family could evoke in their rural setting.

"It's not so much out-right hostility we face, it's the invisibility," Ms Allen said.

"People don't assume we're partners and we fight a constant battle to explain it.

"It's a constant reminder you don't fit the system".

But they said they had been overwhelmed by the support of neighbours and friends, both throughout the pregnacy and since Alexandra was born.

"Violet Town is pretty progressive and the community have embraced us and really accepted us," Ms Allen said.

As for the future impact on Alexandra, the couple firmly believed the very much planned for baby girl would be as well adjusted as any child from a loving home.

"There are such a diverse range of families now, society really needs to start fully accepting that," Ms Allen said.

"There is absolutely no accident here, she's been brought into a large family who all really love her.
"

"I think she'll be extremely open to diversity".

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The Age - "Victoria to recognise gay couples" by Paul Austin and David Rood

GAY and de facto couples will be able to formally register their relationships in Victoria after the Legislative Assembly last night passed historic legislation that split the Coalition.

Liberal leader Ted Baillieu supported the Government bill, which will allow couples to record their relationships with the Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriage.

But his new Coalition partner, Nationals leader Peter Ryan, opposed it, as did several Liberal frontbenchers including treasury spokesman Kim Wells, transport spokesman Terry Mulder, shadow attorney-general Robert Clark and former leader Denis Napthine.

All Labor MPs in the chamber for the 10pm vote supported the bill, which the Government says does not create gay marriages or civil unions but will improve access to entitlements such as superannuation for gay couples.

Independent MP Craig Ingram was among the 24 MPs who voted against the bill. It was supported by 54 MPs, including Attorney-General Rob Hulls, who described passage of the legislation as "a great day for Victoria".

With Liberal and National party MPs having a free vote, Mr Ryan spoke against the register while Mr Baillieu spoke for it.

Mr Ryan said it would detract from the importance of marriage.

"Marriage is a singular issue of great significance in our society," he said. "It is the cornerstone of enabling a stable family environment for children."

Mr Ryan said he respected other opinions. However, he described himself as an unapologetic and strong advocate of the institution of marriage.

"What this bill does is to establish a structure which is a step towards equalising the notion of a same-sex relationship in particular with marriage," he said.

But Mr Baillieu disagreed, saying he had a strong view about bringing people together, and an optimistic view of this legislation.

"I recognise, acknowledge and respect that there are many with a counter view, many who are concerned that this bill signals an erosion of traditional marriage," he told Parliament.

"I can understand this concern to protect and nurture marriage as an institution. I share the view that marriage is an essential component of our society, our culture and our future.

"But I do not share the argument in regard to this bill that marriage will be undermined. If I did, I would not support it.

"I respect the concern. I just do not share it. For me, this bill is about respect."

Mr Baillieu said he did not support the concept of gay marriage, but he was in favour of measures to help people manage their relationships, when they are together and when they are separating.

"The Parliament should always preserve to itself the opportunity to legislate in particular areas in favour of marriage and the role and responsibility of raising and nurturing children," he said.

"But that should not diminish our capacity to assist others and other relationships."

The bill will be passed in the upper house, with Labor, the Greens and several Liberals certain to support it.

Mr Ryan said the beauty of a free vote — which Labor did not allow its MPs — was that people could express their personal views and vote accordingly.

[Link: Original Article]

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MCV - "Baywatch star a 'gay role model' "

The Australian-born star of the hit TV series, Baywatch, has been described as a "much needed role model" after revealing plans to marry his male partner.

Jaason Simmons, who played hunky lifeguard Logan Fowler on Baywatch in the mid-1990s, plans to wed his partner of eight months, Irish actor John O'Callaghan.

Simmons told New Idea magazine he would wed O'Callaghan in Canada and co-adopt his boyfriend's adopted six-year-old son.

"We’re doing it for our family and for my soon-to-be son," the former Playgirl cover model said.

"Although you don’t want to typecast yourself, you have to take responsibility and ownership and move humanity forward, out of bigotry.

"Our son needs to see we can stand in front of family and loved ones who are going to support our union through the good times and bad," he added.

However, Simmons' own homeland, Australia, will not be among the supporters, warned Tasmanian Gay and Lesbian Rights Group spokesperson Rodney Croome.

"Even after Jaason Simmons is married in Canada, his vows will be ignored under Australian national law and he will be treated as if he is single," Croome said.

Croome hailed Simmons, who was born on the Apple Isle, as a "much-needed role model".

"Many young gay Tasmanians still grow up feeling isolated and stigmatised," he said.

"The success of Jaason Simmons, both in his professional and personal life, sends a message to young, gay Tasmanians that they can achieve their goals, and need not be limited by other people's prejudices."


[Link: Original Article]

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New Idea - "Jaason’s Soulmate"

After quitting Baywatch, Aussie TV star Jaason Simmons did a lot of soul searching – now he’s about to marry his boyfriend and become a dad!

Baywatch hunk Jaason Simmons has revealed for the first time that he’s gay – and that he plans to wed his lover, Irish actor John O’Callaghan, and together raise the boy John rescued from an African orphanage. Jaason’s handsome face lights up with happiness whenever he’s in the presence of John, his partner of eight months. And his smile increases when six-year-old Odin, the Ugandan boy John adopted two years ago, comes home from school and joins them. Clearly they are a real family unit, and it will soon become official. John proposed a few months after they met and Jaason immediately said ‘yes’. When the two men wed later this year, Tasmanian-born Jaason will officially become Odin’s second father.

It’s a long way from flirting with bikiniclad babes on TV’s Baywatch in his role as bad boy lifeguard Logan Fowler, but privately Jaason was miserable riding that wave.

So in 1997, after three years on the show and with two years still on his contract, he quit, turning his back on Hollywood. He spent time in a Buddhist monastery in Wales, then returned to the limelight to make independent films like Mad Cowgirl and do theatre in London.

Jaason met John, a charismatic stage actor who has appeared in the TV series Stargate Atlantis, over coffee in Los Angeles in August 2007. A friend played matchmaker, and it was love at first sight for both. ‘When you get older you know what you want faster,’ says Jaason, now 37, explaining how quickly they fell in love and committed themselves to one another and to raising Odin. Because gay marriage isn’t recognised in California, they plan to wed in Canada, one of just five countries where same-sex marriage is legal, as John has dual citizenship. For Jaason, this readymade family feels like coming home after years adrift.

While the actor’s sexual orientation isn’t news to his close friends and family, nor to the woman he married when he was 20, TV viewers and fans weren’t aware. But being openly gay on Baywatch was impossible – as impossible as it had been for him growing up in Tasmania, where homosexuality wasn’t decriminalised until 1997. The saving grace for Jaason was that with his Baywatch castmates he was among good friends who knew the truth.

His emotional crisis during the show wasn’t solely to do with having to hide his sexuality – although that was part of it. After losing his father at the age of seven, Jaason had felt empty inside, and the fame of Baywatch, which had over a billion TV viewers, and the trappings of success left him feeling surprisingly hollow.

and he has since been active in trying to save the endangered Tasmanian rainforests. In 1995, as his unhappiness built, he found solace in a loving – but platonic – friendship with Baywatch actress Alexandra Paul. Suddenly they were tabloid fodder, being portrayed as a glossy Hollywood romance. In reality Alexandra, whose twin sister is gay, understood Jaason’s predicament and was his first confidante on the set. They’re still close friends, and Alexandra has met Odin. John’s journey was quite similar to Jaason’s. He was once engaged to a woman, and was openly gay in private with those he trusted, but feared being stereotyped if he came out professionally. Like Jaason, he had worked steadily in TV and theatre, but he wanted more from life than the Hollywood dream.

John met Odin when he spent two months in Kassese, Uganda, accompanying a documentary filmmaker friend. The small town’s orphanage housed 50 children and one
caretaker. Odin, then three, had malaria. He wasn’t HIV positive – although even if he had been, John says he would have been undeterred, because he felt such a strong pull to the child. ‘I felt he was my son,’ he says. ‘I just fell for him right away.’ Initially his adoption attempt failed, as Uganda has a threeyear residency requirement. But after multiple setbacks, John eventually broke through Uganda’s red tape. He passed FBI checks and completed the required home study course, and after nine months he finally got to take his son home. Jaason and John are sharing their story in the hope that more people will be inspired to adopt from sub-Saharan Africa, where there are 34 million orphans.

Jaason, how did you meet John?
JS: A friend texted me saying: ‘I’ve met your soulmate!’ I knew she wouldn’t say that lightly, she knows I’m a very spiritual person and don’t have time to muck around, and I’ve never been into dating. We met at a coffee shop, and the minute John turned around, you know they say you hear love poems and music playing? I’d never really felt that, but I finally understand it now, at 37! John told me he went to church on Sundays and had a son. I was like: ‘That’s cool!’ For him to adopt Odin, I knew he was a man of integrity. And he was an actor. We’d both struggled and gone through the same things.

What happened after that first blind date?
JS: We haven’t been apart since, and we haven’t stopped talking since. People said: ‘Isn’t it too quick?’ Fair enough if you’re in your 20s. But it’s different when you’re 37 and you’ve gone through the mill and been kicked around and learnt stuff. If you both want the same thing and are on the same journey, and you’re together until you pass, then what’s too fast? If you know, you know. Gay marriage isn’t legal in California, where you live.

Why do you want to marry?
JS: We’re doing it for our family and for my soon-to-be son. Although you don’t want to typecast yourself, you have to take responsibility and ownership and move humanity forward out of bigotry. Our son needs to see we can stand in front of family and loved ones who are going to support our union through the good times and bad.

Does Odin know other kids with gay parents?
JO’C: We take him to a monthly gay parent event, and I have gay friends with children, so we all hang out. Part of coming out is my belief that the more I’m proud of myself, the more he’ll grow up proud of himself, and not in any way ashamed or hurt by homophobia.

How has being a parent changed you?
JO’C: I became a man with adopting him. I was a kid, a free boy, flying to New York and Paris, going to lots of parties, and suddenly I had to stop. It was hard, but it was amazing to grow up and understand that responsibility and have someone depend on you. To love someone, and experience unconditional love.

Why did you adopt?
JO’C: People say: ‘Who’s his real father?’ I am. Birth parents are a little overrated. The father lived alone in a mud hut; lot of alcohol, he could barely look after himself. He didn’t visit Odin. But he was a lovely man. He said: ‘I give you my son! He’s a child of the nation!’ and was so excited he had a chance to go to America. We both cried. If I’d left Odin, I’d have regretted it the rest of my life. The first time he had a hot shower was amazing. To see the fear in his face, then the joy. Seeing him discover things is incredible. The sweetness of jam. He loves chips and spaghetti. He came to me with nothing, just a bunch of rags.

How long did it take to get him to the US?
JO’C: Literally nine months. I felt like I was pregnant. I even had cravings for weird food. I was on an emotional rollercoaster.

[Link: Original Article Page 1]
[Link: Original Article Page 2]

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DNA Magazine - "Immediate Family" by Robbie Fells

Surrogacy is one option towards fatherhood for gay couples, but finding the right mum can be complicated.

I refer to our surrogacy journey as finding two angels. The first was our surro-mum, the second was our baby, who was born last October.

I still remember our first phone hook-up. We were in Melbourne, our surro-mum was in Ohio. We were extremely excited and had prepared our questions thoroughly. The biggest question was whether this woman would give us our baby after the delivery. I’d seen the Glenn Close film [Immediate Family] where the surrogate couldn’t give up the child and the heartache it caused. We did not want to go through this.

Picking your surrogate or being matched with the right surrogate is crucial. We were lucky, but, somewhere in my heart, I couldn’t help but wonder whether she was really going to give up this being who had grown inside of her for nine months. Gay or not, when you go through this process you can’t help but wonder whether or not you’ll get your child.

We paid a hefty price to find our surrogate, going through one of a few agencies in the US that specialise in surrogacy for gay men and women – and they are expensive middlemen. Without them, however, we would not have met our surro-mum. Whether we needed to spend an extra $60,000 or so for this privilege, I’m not sure. However, for anyone that is at the start of his or her surrogacy journey, the fear that you may not get your child at the end makes you willing to pay anything for some guarantee.

The process is lengthy and requires a lot of stamina with paperwork, legal hurdles, agency hiccups, the surrogate and the egg-donor. You have to get two women’s reproductive cycles to line up, the right amount of embryos created and the right conditions for pregnancy. Then, if you get pregnant, you must have the right conditions to keep the pregnancy. And that’s just step A.

Beyond Step A, you must organise the necessary insurance, accommodation, flights, hospitals, mountains of legal work and administration with the agency. The agency makes the process easier but, like anything in life, it helps to know a little about what you are signing up for. Knowing what I know now about surrogacy, I reckon we could have had three kids for the price we spent on our first! Your biggest hurdle is finding your surrogate. The rest is easy by comparison. If you can trust the surro-mum then 90 per cent of the work is done.

It’s almost three years since that wonderful hook-up and we’ve had one child and hope to have another sometime this year. Our surrogate is not just a surrogate. She is the mother of our second child and we regularly meet up and will hopefully continue to do so in the future. We hope to see each other at least once a year face-to-face. We talk over the phone and email each other regularly. She is an amazing woman who breastfed, loved and cared for our child then gave him to us. She was upset at letting him go in the beginning so she came to Australia a few weeks after we left. We also flew her and her family to Australia during the pregnancy. Her family is an extension of our family. Her kids will spend time with us in the future and our children will spend time with her family. Our family is a little unusual but I suppose this whole process is, too.

Last November my partner and I secured parenting orders by consent, which recognises us both as legal parents of our son, regardless of his biological beginnings. This was a landmark decision in Australia and an extremely positive sign for gay parents everywhere.

[Link: Original Article]

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Sydney Star Observer - "Gay Parents on the Move" by Harley Dennett and Doug Pollard

The Victorian Government has moved to legalise assisted reproduction and surrogacy for same-sex couples and single people.

But federal Medicare IVF funding is yet to catch up; still the exclusive right of clinically infertile women unless Health Minister Nicola Roxon intervenes.

Adoption too remains elusive, not included in the new laws, but Victoria’s same-sex couples will still have more rights than those in NSW.

The Rainbow Families Council and Gay Dads Victoria welcomed the moves, likely to be introduced to Parliament early next year.

Under the proposal by Victorian Attorney-General Rob Hulls, only two parents of any gender may be listed on a child’s birth certificate.

“But that doesn’t stop consensual arrangements taking place in relation to the care of the child,” Hulls said.

“That can happen now, and that won’t change if there’s consent from all the parties as to who’s involved in bringing up the child.

“There were no recommendations in relation to changing the current workable arrangements that exist.”

The proposed changes also fail to address self-insemination, currently illegal for unmarried couples.

“At the moment the law is not clear, but the criminal liability under the current infertility treatment act for self-insemination was never intended to apply criminal penalties to those who self-inseminate, and that will not change,” Hulls said.

“What these recommendations propose to do is discourage self-insemination and all the risks associated with it and put appropriate regulations and guidelines around access to IVF.”

The reforms came after a report by Victorian Law Reform Commission released earlier this year that found same-sex couples are equally good at raising families.

Sources in the NSW Labor Left are confident our own Government will move forward early next year with plans to allow same-sex parents to be jointly recognised on birth certificates.

Gay and Lesbian Rights Lobby convenor Emily Gray warned NSW was falling behind in providing children in same-sex families with the basic financial and emotional security that comes with the legal recognition of their parents.

“To fully recognise the diversity of family forms in our community, parenting reform must be a complete package – otherwise some of our families will miss out,” Gray said.

“The best interests of children should never be compromised for prejudice and discrimination.”

Doug Pollard is a Melbourne reporter for SSO’s sister publication bnews.

[Link: Original Article]

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DNA Magazine - "Deserving Dads" by Robbie Fells

Don’t let the excitement of becoming a father cloud your vision and enter an arrangement you might regret.

You’ve recently met your co-parent mum. She’s a single lesbian and you say to yourself, “Our kids would look gorgeous. We share similar views about parenting, neither of us believe in private schooling and we’ll work out the rest… I’m going to be a dad!”
Well, I did become a father and have an amazing three-and-half-year-old son that my partner and I parent five days a fortnight and during the school holidays. The rest of the time he spends with his mum and I pay child support just like any separated couple. But five years on, the person my partner and I had our child with is still a stranger.

Not everyone’s co-parenting experience has to be rocky, though. I’ve come across a range of co-parenting situations, some that work well and others that don’t. So what are the ingredients for success?

1. Think about the level of involvement you want raising your child. Be honest with yourself and be clear about this with the co-parent.

2. Do you expect to make decisions about the child’s welfare with the mother? Do you share decision making with your partner as well? What about the birth mum’s partner?

3. Are you matched in your views on raising children?

4. How do you relate to one another? Are you friends? Do you avoid conflict or deal with conflict together?

A lot of co-parent dads accept what they think they deserve rather than what they want. What a lot of gay fathers think they deserve is grounded in religious guilt, societal attitudes about homosexuality and a belief that gay people aren’t supposed to have children anyway, which can lead to an “I’ll take what I can get” mind-set. This is counterproductive. Remember that you have the ability and the right to be a great father.

The best co-parenting arrangements I’ve seen are those where the dad/s have limited involvement during the infancy and the mum/s determine when time with Dad occurs. The most common contact in the early years is visiting the child at mum/s house with overnight visits occurring once the child is around school age. If this does not meet your expectations then it’s helpful to discuss this with the mum/s. Don’t tiptoe around your needs.

Most arrangements I’ve seen have had changes to original agreements at some point. If you don’t have the ability to resolve conflict then you may feel compromised as a result of expectations not being met, so it’s important to find a match that meets your expectations.
While difference is great, there are some fundamental issues that need to be the same. For example, if your co-parent does not want the child immunised and you do that’s a recipe for disaster.

If there is unresolvable conflict you need to identify it before entering into the relationship and find a more suitable match. However, you still need to be able to bounce back from conflict. As in all relationships, regardless of how long you’ve known the co-parent, conflicts still arise. You need to be able to discuss these rationally and constructively, keeping in mind what is best for your child.

Your dreams do come true when you see your child for the first time. I believe it takes a village to raise a child, not just one or two people, so co-parenting can be an ideal situation.

Just remember not to rush in to being a father. The excitement of the possibility is intoxicating and can lead to poorly thought-out decisions, which can have dire consequences. Think about what’s best for yourself, your partner, the co-parents and especially your child so you can make the reality of fatherhood an amazing, rewarding experience.

[Link: Original Article]

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