Who Magazine - "Not Your Average Family" by Michael Crooks & Emma Dimwiddie

Two same-sex couples share the joy and challenges of parenthood.

Whenever their eyes settle on their little girl, Kirk and Rob Marcolina's faces beam. Although Sophie is already 20 months old, her two dads are still overwhelmed with having a daughter and relishing their role as fathers. "The most rewarding things are seeing here take her first step, say her first word or give you her first kiss," says Rob, 37, in the couple's Rose Bay, Sydney, home. "It is so much fun to watch her grow and learn about the world."

That they treasure such moments isn't surprising. To have Sophie - Kirk's biological child - has been a lengthy, often complicated, process for the couple. Indeed, for any gay or lesbian couple desiring children of their own, the journey can be costly and often relies on the goodwill of others, including sperm and egg donors and surrogate mothers. Then, once they become parents, homosexuals don't have the same rights and privileges as heterosexual couples - a hot issue during the federal election campaign. (In June, WA became the first Australian state to allow a gay couple to adopt a child.) Indeed, it's not easy, says Kirk, 37, "for a gay couple to have a child."

Not that they were ever deterred. Kirk and Rob's plant to start a family was on the agenda from the moment they met as neighbours in Los Angeles in 2001. "One of the things that attracted us to each other was the fact we both wanted to have kdis one day," says Kirk, a stay-at-home dad and former TV producer from Philadelphia. He and Melbourne-born Rob, who was working in Los Angeles when they met, married legally in Canada in 2003 and set about starting a family. "It was a question of how," says Rob, now a management consultant in Sydney for a US-Based company.

They decided on the surrogacy route, and Rob's sister, Kym, a Melbourne mother of two, volunteered to donate an egg. Kirk would provide the sperm for the in-vitro fertilisation treatment. "Kym knew how important it was for me to have a child," says Rob, who proudly points out that Sophie has a resemblance to his side of the family. Adds Kirk: "It was an amazing gift to us." The next challenge was finding a gestational surrogate (a "traditional" surrogate involves the woman's own egg). While paid surrogacy is illegal in Australia, in the US there are agencies that cate for gay and lesbian couples. Through the Los Angeles agency Growing Generations, Rob and Kirk were put in touch with Sonia, who was implatnted with the fertilised egg (the couple preferred not to disclose what the surrogacy cost, but the price can range from $US115,000 to $US150,000). "We had full involvement during the pregnancy," says Rob, "and we were at the birth, which was a wonderful experience. When Sophie was born, the doctor handed Sophie to Kirk and I got to cut the cord."

Being a two-dad family might be different - "At some of the playgroups, you definitely sick out," says Kirk - but the couple haven't yet faced any social hurdles. "People are curious because it's not your average family." says Kirk. "But everyone has been very positive."

Sydney couple Kendi and Leigh Burness-Cowan have also had a favourable experience in raising their two children. "I don't feel there is any difference really between us and other couples with children." says 32-year old Kendi, a Sydney communications officer who gay birth to both the couple's children, Hunter, 3, and Hugo, 7 months (the couple use a sperm donor found through a personal ad). "A few people took a while to warm to the idea, but nobody has said anything negative."

Where problems can arise is in the rights of the parents. THe Burness-Cowans and the Marcolinas "are not legally recognised as couples," says human-rights commissioner Graeme Innes. "It can have an impact in terms of access to the Medicare safety net, access to various tax provisions and access to leave which might relate to looking after a sick child."

For Kendi, this hasn't posed a problem, "apart from crossing out lots of "father' columns on various forms," she says. "Where it would be an issue would be if the parents separated and there were custody issues, although the courts consider a child's 'best interest.'" And Rob and Kirk say they simply want more acceptance of gay and lesbian families in Australia. "A lot of people say gay people shouldn't be parents," says Rob. "What I'd like to say is that when a gay person has a family, they really want that child - they're the most wanted kids, in a way Sophie has the love of two dads, two loving parents, which is all you can really ask for."

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Review Asia - "All in the family : A Double Dose of Love" by Emma Westward

For gays and lesbians, having kids used to be an impossible dream. Emma Westwood meets two Australian couples who are building a brave new family world

CASE 1
Two mummas
Parents: Janet Asser and
Zoë McCallum
Children: Felix and Sebastian
(twins age 21 months)

For Zoë McCallum, kneeling in front of the coffee table with reheated pasta and one ear trained on the bedroom where her twin boys, Felix and Sebastian, sleep is a typical daily ritual. Like other families in Australia today, she tag-teams parenting with her partner who’ll be home from shift work at 11pm. In that way, McCallum is your average mum. Start her talking about the current crisis in childcare, and she is as impassioned as the next person. But if raising a child wasn’t difficult enough, McCallum and her partner, Janet Asser, have double the responsibility (twins) and they’re also in a same-sex relationship – one that has no legal recognition in the eyes of the Australian government and one that saw them jump through a number of hoops
and loopholes to realize the family they believe they deserved.

As the biological mother of the children, McCallum conceived through in vitro fertilization (IVF) and the altruistic “gift” from a traceable sperm donor. However,
just like a mother in a stable heterosexual relationship, she equally shares the parenting duties with Asser – which includes being called mumma. For the boys, Asser
and McCallum are both their parents, even though the law prevents Asser from appearing on their birth certificates. “We had twins who required both of us to be involved from the moment they were born,” says Asser of their individual responsibilities in the nurturing of their children. “There was not an abundance of breast milk so top-up bottle feeds were required. Each feeding session took about an hour and a half. Zoë would breast feed one then I would bottle feed that child and repeat the process with the second.

“I never saw the boys as anything but my children,” she continues. “I was there from their creation to birth and beyond. It is all and much more than I expected. The
only thing I didn’t factor in was how vulnerable it makes you. I fear for my kids in
a gut-wrenching way. It is a bizarre sensation to know that you have two beautiful
creatures who rely on you for everything and you must protect them.”

The road to domestic bliss – or should we say, “domestic hubbub” in the case of the energetic Asser-McCallum twins – was not smooth sailing. Issues surrounding assisted reproductive technology for same-sex couples in Australia are complex and vary across states. For lesbian couples, the only alternatives are the rather crude “turkey baster” method or to access IVF by masquerading in a heterosexual relationship and proving that the woman is medically infertile. In the state of Victoria, IVF is not available to single women, and lesbians are officially deemed “single” by an outdated system.

“I had never felt discriminated against before,” laments McCallum. “Never in my entire life, despite being an ‘out’ and professional female, so being discriminated
against with regards to having kids was a life-changing thing. To have your rights curtailed about reproduction is probably one of the most emotional things, I would argue.

“I made myself aware of what laws were available and what the options were,” adds McCallum, who speaks with anger over a situation she feels is yet to be rectified.
“I’d followed debates for some time and had written letters to the prime minister
over the years challenging his family values and the absolute myths of the nuclear
family and the fact that all that stuff was predicated on wrong data – or no data.”
Eventually, McCallum’s research and unwavering determination to create the family she had always desired led her to the Rainbow Families Organization, a support group established for samesex parents. Through RFO information sessions, Asser and McCallum met other women in similar circumstances to themselves and eventually were referred to a doctor who was sympathetic to their cause.

With McCallum trained as a pediatrician and Asser a pediatric nurse, both were aware of problems arising from genetics and, therefore, mindful their donor’s full profile was readily available to them. The next hurdle was choosing who would carry the child.
“That was a huge quandary for us because we had to consider Janet being the biological mother rather than me, which I had never prepared myself for,” explains McCallum. However, Asser’s attempts at conception proved fruitless and McCallum, suspected to have polycystic ovaries, was then able to step up as a “back-up womb”.

“I had to think of Janet as the biological mother of my child in a way I never had before,” says McCallum. “The only sadness of that was, when she didn’t fall pregnant, we had to grieve for that. She had to face up to the fact that she could not have one. It sounds a bit clichéd, but it definitely solidified our intent to have a family and made us more true co-parents. “I’m still sad that I can’t parent her biological child in the way any other partner would if they were straight or gay. I suppose that’s been reinforced by having my own biological kids and seeing the true gift of it. Janet said the other day, ‘I never once have felt that these children are not mine.’ ” While McCallum and Asser have been supported in their workplaces as two mothers raising two boys, inevitably there are the knockers who consider their situation “unnatural”. “I used to be angry and want to educate them, but now I pity them,” says McCallum.

As part of any community, the boys have constant male role models and their parents are even contemplating employing a “manny”, but regardless, Asser is unashamedly a tomboy and, unlike McCallum, knows how to play “boy-style”, throwing balls around and the like.

“Janet and I are so different and have one of those relationships where we are much
bigger than the sum of our parts because of our differences,” says McCallum. “Hopefully, we’ll set a good example for the boys because our relationship shows how two completely different people can live fantastically together – fulfilling very happy lives – and make society a better place, despite having completely different ways of doing it.”

CASE 2
Daddy and Tatay
Parents: Jason and Adrian
Tuazon-McCheyne
Children: Ruben (age 20 months)

When meeting Jason and Adrian Tuazon-McCheyne at a café, it is hardly difficult
spotting them walking down the street. “We’ll be the two guys – one white, one Filipino – pushing a pram,” laughs Jason. For some, being in an interracial relationship is challenging enough, let alone living openly as homosexual men and overcoming the many roadblocks to fathering a child together. In order to complete their family unit, though, Adrian and Jason were willing to go to the ends of the Earth.

Their journey took them to Los Angeles, to be exact – via Toronto in Canada, where the two officially married in 2004 because homosexual marriages are still not legal in Australia. Well before that, in 2000, they discussed the possibility of starting a family and resolved that it was a path they were both very eager to tread.

Firstly, the two men investigated adoption, but very quickly found the door slammed firmly in their faces. “We were told not to bother even coming to the information session,” says Jason. The next option was surrogacy through an American agency – a costly, time-consuming and controversial process, but one Adrian and Jason were willing to endure in order to pursue their dream.

“All of the surrogates are screened medically and psychologically,” explains Jason. “They have to have had children already. They have to be financially independent, although they receive a modest stipend. They have to be an appropriate person to be a surrogate first before they even go into the pool.

“In our case, she [the surrogate] provided the egg, but most surrogates don’t – they just carry the fertilized embryo,” says Jason. “We used what they call ‘traditional
surrogacy’ where it was done through insemination. But it could only be from one of us, and whether it was one or two babies was a natural occurrence.”

As with all pregnancies, the experience was what Adrian calls a “roller-coaster ride”. In fact, before Ruben, their surrogate suffered a miscarriage. “It was really, really sad because you just don’t know what’s going to happen next,” says Adrian. “You’re not sure whether it’s going to work.”

Yet, the men were keen to push forward in their attempts for a successful pregnancy and, as far as they were concerned, they would continue pushing until they had a child.
“We went to America four times,” reveals Jason. “Once to start the process, two to meet her, three to see how the pregnancy was going and four for the birth. It was good that we were far away because we couldn’t worry about the day-to-day.”

Adrian adds: “The main thing we didn’t want her to do was drink or smoke, which she didn’t.” “It was never her baby,” says Jason. “She never felt that it was her baby. Her partner and children never bonded with the pregnancy.

Legally, once Ruben was conceived, he was our child. And that was important. Over there, it’s all legally and ethically done above reproach. They’re more concerned
that you won’t come and take your child. After all of this, if you don’t take your child, they go up for adoption.” Just like any fathers, Adrian and Jason were present at the birth of their child – videotaping and taking photographs for posterity. Their surrogate only saw the baby the next day after the birth, although the two families got together for lunch before Adrian and Jason flew with little Ruben back home to Australia.

They retain friendship ties to this day. “We had to work really hard, seven days a week, for five years beforehand to be able to afford the process, prepare everything, fly to the United States, have the car seat in the car ready for when Ruben got home… and somehow that’s bad?” says Jason in response to any critics.

“There’s this widespread belief that men are not natural parents, which is definitely not true,” adds Adrian. “It’s always that the women are more important than men.” As far as Ruben is concerned, having two dads is as natural as a mother and father. “He differentiates between the two of us – daddy and Tatay, which is ‘daddy’ in Filipino,” Jason says.

“When it comes down to it, gender is not important anyway. He loves trucks and cars and trams – he’s not a doll boy. His orientation will be whatever it is, and it will
probably be straight, which is great. But if it’s not, we certainly know what his journey will be like and we’ll be able to help him.”

When it comes to telling Ruben about his unique introduction into this world, Adrian and Jason have no solid plans, but will instead just go with the flow. “When he’s old enough, we’ll just show him and tell him this great story about how all these people came together so he could be born,” says Jason. “It’s a fantastic story. There’s no abandonment. It’s just – wow! I think he should be pretty excited about it.”

[Link: Original Article]

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Melbourne Community Voice - "When should gay dads come out to their kids?" by Tracie O'Keefe

How and when should gay dads come out to their kids? Tracie O’Keefe offers some advice.

Recently I gave a talk to gay dads about coming out to their children. One of the things I discussed was how the phrase ‘gay’ can be constricting for men who sleep with and have relationships with men. If you’ve slept with your child’s mother, you don’t ever want that child to think they were a mistake, so you’ll need to present yourself as being bisexual to your children when they were conceived.

Why come out to the kids?

Children need a number of things from parents, including food, shelter, love, education and an opportunity to explore themselves and their personalities. The most important thing, though, is to be able to trust their carers. They need to be able to believe that daddy is not a liar. Trust and honesty support love, whereas dishonesty on the part of the parent can undermine the child-parent relationship. Children are much more worried about whether they can trust daddy and is daddy fun, rather than whether he’s a screaming queen.

When is the right time to come out to your kids?

The answer to this depends on every individual family and every individual child. Certainly the sooner you start being honest with your kids, the easier it will be for them to trust you. You have to do the ground-work of ensuring your children value and respect all people equally. If you’ve taught them to be bigots, then you’ll reap what you sow.

When to come out also depends on how amiable the birth mother, wife or ex-partner is; but it can be helpful to discuss this with the adults in the family, so that they can support your disclosure. The last thing you want is your great Aunty Mavis turning up at the door and telling the twins to tell daddy that she “loves the gays, and would they please tell that to their dad?”

Where is the best place to come out?

Respect your child’s private space, which of course is generally their bedroom. Tell them in a place that’s more neutral, such as the sitting room or the garden; perhaps even have a family picnic. Just remember not to make it a drama, but simply another piece of life’s information that little Pia or Jake needs to know. Remember that wherever you tell them, it’s a memory that will stay with them for the rest of their lives. Don’t do it while you’re running around Bunning’s Hardware, either: do you really want to answer a lot of personal questions while in the checkout queue?

What is the best approach to ensure material is broached sensitively?

Stories are great vehicles for seeding the ideas that being a gay man or a man who loves men is OK. Expose them to stories of happy gay families and happy heterosexual families. Remember to normalise the gay experience. It will now of course be very useful to point out that Professor Dumbledore from the Harry Potter series is gay; that he is a very happy wizard who is every nice person’s friend – and he can do magic.

How can I still be credible to my family?

Credibility is about honesty, trust, decency and kindness, not about whether you fit into other people’s rigid ideas, philosophies or religions. Your job as a father is to give your children a role model by which to live their life; and to instill values that will lead them to happiness. It’s not about the misery of keeping up with the Joneses. Be proud of being queer and show other people that you are proud by teaching your children how to respect you.

Dealing with the future

Just think about the advantages of your child having a gay or queer dad; they get to go to Pride March and Carnival. One obvious advantage from your child’s perspective is that if daddy has a boyfriend, you might even get more presents on your birthday; you also get someone who came out and put themselves on the line to love you and tell you the truth about themselves.

It could help for families to get some family counseling to deal with the complications that may occur due to power-sharing between two homes. Some men prefer to stay in the relationship with their ex-wife or partner because they are such good friends, but dads should make sure they know their rights of access to their children in all situations.

Remember that lack of trust in a parent is the foundation for many mental disorders later in life, but that parental trust, honesty and love helps children transcend all life’s difficulties and helps them remember daddy fondly.

Dr Tracie O’Keefe DCH is an individual, family, couples and sex therapist. Visit www.tracieokeefe.com .

[Link: Original Article]

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Sydney Star Observer - "Prospective Rainbow Parents Wanted" by Cara Davis

PROSPECTIVE RAINBOW PARENTS WANTED by Cara Davis

Cathy and her female long-term partner have long dreamt of becoming parents, but have struggled to find a gay couple to co-parent with.

The women want to find a gay man who is interested in their child’s life, but the opportunities for meeting and socialising with other prospective parents are rare.

For years, lesbians and gay men have been asking Dominic Gili from Rainbow Families where they can meet others to co-parent with but, with so few options available, Gili has had to suggest placing an advertisement in a local paper, or joining an online forum.

Gili, through Rainbow Families, has now organised a night for prospective rainbow parents at the Bank Hotel, Newtown, on Monday 26 November.

Gili said the night is intended to help those who have hopes of becoming parents and have not met someone to co-parent with. But it also will give people the opportunity to share stories and discuss child-related issues.

“Like-minded people can just come together and chat, and someone might make a contact who, down the track, they can co-parent with,” he said.

“It sounds too much like a dating game when you say it that way, but there is just no forum for that in Sydney at the moment.”

Gili said he had received a lot of interest from the men wishing to be dads, via the Gay Dads NSW group, and now hoped to spread the word among the lesbian community.

The Prospective Rainbow Parents night will start at 7pm. For more information email Dominic at nsw@gaydadsaustralia.com or call 0400 296 253 or 9573 0372.

[Link: Original Article]

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The Age - "Parent case may alter 'family'" by Karen Kissane

IN A case that could change the definition of "family", a gay man who fathered a child has asked the Family Court to recognise his gay partner as a co-parent.

At a child access hearing in Melbourne yesterday, a registrar warned that the men were asking for a special status not normally given to parents in blended relationships.

"People separate or they have other partners, but (the new partners) are not regarded as having the same rights as biological parents, or the same parental responsibilities," the registrar said.

"That's what (the applicants) want, and it's not what is usually given. It's a vexed issue."

A trial expected next year will decide whether the father's partner can be recognised by the court as having "shared parental responsibility" for the child, to whom he has no biological link.

The child, a boy, lives mostly with his biological mother and her lesbian partner. He was conceived within their longstanding relationship using sperm donated by the gay father.

The mother and father agreed that both would have a role in his upbringing.

The mother's and father's relationship has since broken down. A report to the court by an independent expert said the boy was happy, confident, articulate and creative. He was affectionate with both couples, but regarded the women as his parents.

Yesterday's hearing was over an application by the father to have more time with the boy.

The expert report had suggested he see more of his father, who was a significant figure in his life. The child's independent lawyer told the court: "(He) needs more time with his father, whether his mother likes it or not."

The registrar reserved his decision about increased access for the father.

[Link: Original Article]

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Same Same - "Cos The Kids Are Alright" by Cheetah77

Gay parenting is a subject that always gets people talking. Whether you want that for yourself or not, or whether you agree with it, the fact is that it’s happening, and has been for years.

Arguments against gays raising children are many. We aren’t built to pro-create with each other therefore we shouldn’t breed. Gays raising kids are going to influence their children into being gay themselves. It’s selfish to have children because of our lifestyles and gay parents don’t provide the male/female role modelling kids need to grow up balanced. We are only setting our kids up to have difficult childhoods largely caused by school yard homophobia. And the list goes on.

On the other side of the fence many argue that a child raised by gay parents gets the same, if not more love and care because of the hardships the parents have to go through to have that child in the first place.

Is there really little difference as these supporters and many gay parents suggest, or are there issues and challenges faced that often don’t get spoken about? A lot gets said about what’s best for the children, but who’s ever bothered to sit down and ask them about their perspective?

Amber was raised by a lesbian couple in NSW’s Blue Mountains. She found that growing up with gay parents wasn’t that very different from the other kids she went to school with.

From the age of nine when her mother met her current partner, she always received lots of support and love growing up. Their family was surrounded by a huge network of gay families in the same situation. Fourteen years down the track she says that the positives of being raised in her family greatly outweigh any negatives she may have experienced.

“Of course I knew we were a bit different from other kids at school, but at the same time, I knew so many kids with gay parents that I never felt too different. How do you compare your life to someone else’s anyway?”

She admits that she was probably helped by the fact that both her mother and her mother’s partner were community workers so communication was always a big thing in their house. Raised in an environment like this certainly helped her stand up for what she believed in. Amber now works for one of the major political parties – a far cry from the Greens supporting household she grew up in.

Many argue that gay parenting sets children up for a life of homophobia, and that it’s simply not fair to the kids. However, in Amber’s case, the only time she really felt the difference was after marching in the Mardi Gras parade when she was twelve years old. At school a few days later, one of her classmates told her that he’d seen her on the TV and made a bit of an issue out of it. Apart from feeling a need to hide the situation of her family in her younger years before she knew how to handle those types of comments, she said this was really the only negativity she ever experienced.

“I actually used to enjoy sitting listening to people bag out gays and then I would pull out the ‘my mother is a lesbian and I’m very offended by what you just said’ card and found it was good for shock value,” laughs Amber.

Amber wishes she’d been given access to children’s books that focused on the rainbow family when she was growing up. She thinks they would be invaluable in helping gay parents raise children in today’s society. It’s something that recent Same Same 25 member and author Vicki Harding has been pushing with her Learn To Include project.

The push for gay friendly books is happening all over the world, and it’s stepping on toes. Recently in the US there was a huge uproar about children’s book And Tango Makes Three. The book told the true story of two male penguins who raised a penguin chick and was removed from school bookshelves, many saying that it advocated homosexuality. It also has the honour of being the most complained about book in 2006.

If anything, Amber’s experience shows that books of this type are in fact highly beneficial in helping kids understand the differences, not only for those with gay parents, but their friends as well.

The issue of gay parents not being able to provide both male and female role models is one that’s often talked about. While having strong female role models certainly wasn’t an issue in Amber’s case, she didn’t have any contact with her father and had limited other male roles in her life. According to her, this may be a contributing factor to her having some difficulty relating to and forming close relationships with men. Although that being said, she’s far from being gay – she has many gay male friends, but when it comes to liking boys or girls, she is definitely straight – so there’s another myth blown right out of the water.

Amber spoke at a Gay Dads forum a few months ago and afterwards found herself in conversation with a deeply religious Christian gay couple who were worried about bringing a child into what is seen by many to be a sinful life. Amber says after their chat, the couple seemed more comfortable and relaxed about the whole thing, which she was pleased about. She says that moments like that prove how invaluable it is for anyone thinking about going down this path to speak to others who have already done it themselves.

Gay Dads Australia and Rainbow Families both hold regular information sessions for existing and prospective parents to get together to meet and share stories and experiences.

Her advice to any gay couples thinking about parenting is that they should just relax a little. “A lot of them are so worried about messing up their kids but there are plenty of fucked up kids from straight families too.”

If anything stood out to me about Amber, it was how overwhelmingly normal she was. She lives in Surry Hills in a share house, has a mixture of queer and straight friends and like most grown up kids who have moved away from home, she looks forward to weekends at her mum’s house in the calming and relaxing mountains, where she can go to just chill out.

Want to know more? Then check out www.rainbowfamilies.org.au.

[Link: Original Article]

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Herald Sun - " Homosexual mum and dad go to court" by Craig Binnie

A LESBIAN mother is battling to stop the gay father of her child from having his homosexual lover declared one of the child's parents.

The Family Court heard this week the mother had been in a relationship with another woman for about 10 years when she asked a gay friend to impregnate her.

The court heard that even though the child's mother and father lived apart they agreed they would both have a role in the child's upbringing.

The mother, however, is fighting attempts by the father to have the court recognise his gay lover as the child's second father.

The court heard allegations that the child's father was involved in sadomachistic sex and bondage, had an interest in child porn and possessed a magazine containing an article about a father who had sex with his son.

The man denies the claims, which were made by one of his former lovers.

The mother's lawyer told the court the boy would automatically spend time with his father's lover when he had access to the child and that there was no need to have him formally noted as a co-parent.

She said the father's lover was acting out a political agenda by trying to have authorities officially recognise him.

The court was told the father wanted the child to have two fathers and two mothers.

The court was told the only difference to an normal separated couple with new partners would be that the fathers were a couple and the mothers were a couple.

A lawyer appointed by the court to act on behalf of the child told the court the father and his lover had a stable relationship.

He said the child was progressing and developing well and there was no evidence of abuse having taken place.

Whether the father's lover will succeed in being named as a co-parent will be decided at a trial in November.

[Link: Original Article]

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The Age - "Rainbow Children" by Peter Munro

When a daddy and a daddy love each other very much ... More gays and lesbians are becoming parents, despite the obstacles in their way. Peter Munro reports.

NEXT month Rodney Cruise will become a father for the second time without having had sex with a woman. By then, it will be nine months since his first child, Ethan, was born to a surrogate in the United States, and Cruise and partner Jeff Chiang together cut the umbilical cord. They flew home to Melbourne as a family when Ethan was 11 days old, and three days later Cruise successfully donated his sperm to a lesbian couple who are close friends of theirs and who are now expecting their first child in four weeks.

Cruise, 41, a patent attorney, came out as gay when he was 13, but it is his new role as a father that attracts attention. "We both wanted to be parents and didn't see our sexuality as being a bar to that; it just complicated things," he says.

They used a surrogacy agency in California at a total cost of about $150,000, including flights and accommodation and $35,000 for their surrogate Kelly, from Ohio. They plan to return to the US before Christmas to conceive another child by surrogacy.

That child will be Cruise's third, one of a growing number of babies born of gay and lesbian parents. Victorian families with same-sex de facto partners and at least one child aged 18 or under grew by more than a third in the five years to the 2006 census. Across Australia, there were almost 2400 families with at least one gay or lesbian parent, a jump of about 26 per cent.

If anything, these figures grossly underestimate actual numbers of gay and lesbian families, many of which are not comfortable publicly divulging details of their sexuality. But they offer a good guide to the increasingly pink face of Australian families. The most startling jump in Victoria was in gay families with preschool children, with the number of declared same-sex families with children aged four or under more than doubling to 167.

Dr John McBain, director of Melbourne IVF and head of reproductive services at Royal Women's Hospital, says there is a growing acceptance of same-sex families in the wider community. "I think the public is much more tolerant now of lesbian couples becoming parents," he says. "People are far more aware that lesbian couples are loving couples in relationships as stable as heterosexual ones and that they make good parents."

Shifting public perceptions have also favoured single women wanting to start a family. Surveys show that from 1993 to 2000, the number of people who approved of the use of donor sperm to help single women conceive more than doubled to 38 per cent. Almost a third supported the use of donor sperm by gay couples, compared with only 7 per cent in 1993.

Both groups of women have sought to start families through the Royal Women's sperm storage bank, where sperm from known donors is screened for communicable diseases and frozen before it is available for self-insemination. Three months ago, the screening facility celebrated its first birth from one of the 15 women to have used the service, McBain says.

Seven years ago, McBain successfully challenged Victoria's infertility laws on behalf of a 38-year-old animal shelter worker from Box Hill South, who had tried for eight years to conceive but was refused donor sperm because she was single. The 2000 Federal Court decision, upheld on appeal to the High Court, stripped out the requirement that women must be either married or in a solid de facto relationship to access assisted reproductive technology.

But such treatment is still limited in Victoria and South Australia, alone among the states and territories, to women who are medically infertile — effectively barring both lesbian and single women who function fine but don't plan to test out their fertility with the opposite sex.

Lori, 34, and Libby, 32, a lesbian couple in western Victoria, are among a growing number of women who have had to cross the border to make a baby. In November, they will travel to Albury for their second shot at donor insemination for Libby, a horse midwife, at a clinic that is so busy it has closed its waiting list. Each attempt costs about $1500, not including the cost and inconvenience of having to stay interstate for several nights.

Lori, a part-time teacher at a Catholic primary school, who prefers not to reveal her surname, has a 10-year-old daughter from a former heterosexual relationship. She says that gays and lesbians, like the wider community, have become more accepting of parenthood.

"When I came out eight, nine years ago, there wasn't a lot of support for lesbian mums. It was more like, 'Why would you have a kid when you are gay?' And I found it really hard to fight against that stereotype," she says. "Now there are a lot more women who are saying that in a few years' time they would like to have a kid."

The couple have also advertised online for a donor, who they want to play an "uncle" role with limited contact, on Maybe Baby, one of several social groups for "rainbow families" — a mixture of homosexuals, heterosexuals, bisexuals and transgenders. They have had responses from a gay male who has previously donated sperm to two lesbian couples and a heterosexual man who says he would like to help.

They are not alone in pursuing parenthood online. On one website, a 30-something, non-smoking gay couple want to be co-parents and a 31-year-old lesbian with a nine-year-old son is on the lookout for a donor who is extremely fit, healthy and handsome. A gay couple in Perth want a woman to carry their child. And on the Queensland coast, a male bisexual wants to assist a single woman or lesbian couple, promising to help pay for the child's rearing.

Other websites include forums with hints on DIY insemination, including the tip that women should avoid hot baths before and after they insert the syringe, and another on what name children should call their gay parents — Mum and Mumma? Dad and Pop?

The Rainbow Families Council, which was established last September, gives gay and lesbian parents the chance to meet offline as well. Felicity Marlowe, who co-ordinates the council's Love Makes a Family campaign for legal reform, says the growing visibility of same-sex parents has made more gays and lesbians consider having their own children. "Sometimes you think every second person who is queer is having a child," she says.

"We are seeing lots more requests from child-care centres and primary schools to look at how they can become more inclusive in their policies and their curriculum, because they are seeing more families with two mums or two dads."

Schools in Melbourne's inner northern suburbs are particularly inclusive of the children of gay and lesbian families, she says. That might mean simply stocking library books that include same-sex parents among their characters or amending standard letters home to refer to parent/parent rather than mother/father.

It is a long way from the day in 2004 when then acting Prime Minister John Anderson publicly criticised the ABC for a Play School episode showing a young child visiting the zoo with her two mums. The Federal Government is yet to change its tune, with Prime Minister John Howard maintaining this year that having a mother and a father gave children "the best opportunity in life".

Some sectors of the Australian public also maintain that children need a mother and father, preferably married. A spokeswoman for the Australian Family Association says: "Children need an involved, on the ground, in the house, father and mother. They don't need other mothers, adopted mothers or other fathers."

DISCRIMINATION was among the topics discussed at a symposium on same-sex parents for medical practitioners, healthcare workers and researchers at the University of Melbourne in June.

Dr Ruth McNair, a general practitioner specialising in lesbian and women's health and a senior lecturer in the department of general practice at the university, says prejudice remains a potent issue for many same-sex parents. Men in particular face some opposition both from among the general public and from within the gay community, where they might be tagged with the derogatory term "breeders".

"They are often faced with comments that lesbians would have got 20 years ago," McNair says. "Comments like, 'Why are you selling out to the mainstream, why don't you just continue the gay lifestyle'."

Such catcalls are gradually fading, though, says McNair, who is on maternity leave with her four-month-old son, Samuel, whom she parents with her lesbian partner. "There has been a huge change in the community in the past 20 years. If you look at the (Sydney) Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras, the first group are always the Dykes on Bikes, but the second group is now mums with prams."

In one sense, the debate has moved on, from discussions on the concept of gay and lesbian parents to a focus on their children as they grow older. A US study last year found that the adolescent offspring of same-sex parents did not differ from the children of heterosexual couplings in self-esteem, peer relationships, school adjustment, drug use or sexual experience. The only significant difference was that the teenagers of same-sex parents coped better with prejudice and bullying.

But in another sense, the debate has stayed the same. The Australian Family Association still argues that "there is bucketloads of research" showing that children need a mother and father.

This is despite the findings of the Victorian Law Reform Commission's final report into assisted reproductive technology and adoption, which was tabled in Parliament in June. The commission made 130 recommendations for updating Victoria's infertility laws, including that people seeking to undergo treatment or to adopt must not be discriminated against on the basis of their sexual orientation or be excluded on the grounds that they have no partner.

The commission also recommended that Victoria scrap its "clinical infertility" bar to treatment in favour of a simple test of whether a woman, in her circumstances, is unlikely to become pregnant by any other means. Attorney-General Rob Hulls, who has sat on the report for several months, has promised to respond before the end of the year.

Cruise and Chiang first told the story of Ethan's birth to The Age in April and on the same day they were stopped in the street by a woman who thanked them for showing that her own gay son might one day give her a grandchild. "When I was young, I always wanted to be a parent but I couldn't see how it could happen. Now there is a sense within the gay community than we can have it too and why should we be denied it," Cruise says.

"Most parents want to be grandparents one day and we look forward to the day when Ethan, whether gay or straight, becomes a dad as well."


[Link: Original Article]

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SX News - "Rainbow Bridges" by Reg Domingo

A new online group is helping connect GLBT parents and their kids, writes Reg Domingo.

Becoming a parent is a rewarding and fulfilling experience. But for many GLBT people, the road to parenthood can be a difficult one. Many face uncertainties when it comes to unearthing relevant advice; while for others, emotional support can be elusive.

Enter Rainbow Families NSW, a new online group designed to connect GLBT parents.
“The group was started in an effort to unite the two parenting groups that exist,” says group moderator Dom Gili. “There was no crossover between lesbian parent group, Rainbow Babies, and Gay Dads NSW. Individually, the role of either group is very important but from a lobbying and social point of view, I felt there was a gap that needed to be filled.”

ili, who is also the convenor of Gay Dads NSW and a proud father of two, says the group also helps link parents with health and community organisations. “I know organisations such as the Lobby are doing a lot of great work on our behalf but the gathering of support and stories from gay parents has always been a struggle,” he says. “I figured that by setting up this Yahoo online group and having plenty of gay parents, family, friends and supporters as members, then there is a direct line of access to relay info, to network and gather support for campaigns.”

rospective parents seeking advice will also benefit from the group. “I get so many requests from lesbians and gay men asking if I know where they might meet someone to co-parent with,” Gili says. “So for them this group will be a great forum to ask questions to those that have been through that experience and maybe even look for a co-parent to help them become parents.”

Furthermore, Rainbow Families NSW aims to reach GLBT parents in regional areas as well the children of gay parents. “It is important for our children to realise that they are not the only child in Sydney that has gay parents. I think it helps them greatly to recognise that they are not alone and have peers to share their experiences with and lean on for support as they get older.”

Gili adds that in the current media climate, which has recently put the spotlight on same-sex parenting, the arrival of Rainbow Families NSW is timely and crucial. “In the wake of all the positive media focus, including the release of the HREOC report and the Victorian Law Reform Report, the timing is perfect for all gay parents to get a little proactive in lobbying for equal rights. The online group will be a great forum for people to share what they are doing to make a difference.”

To join Rainbow Families NSW and Gay Dads NSW visit www.groups.yahoo.com/group/rainbowfamiliesnsw and www.groups.yahoo.com/group/gaydadsnsw .

Gay Dads NSW and Rainbow Families NSW will also be hosting an info night from 7pm on Monday, August 27 at Twenty10, 43 Bedford St, Newtown. Guest speakers include GLRL spokesperson Ghassan Khassisieh, Dr Kerry Robinson and Anthony Seamann. Places are limited. To book or for more info, email nsw@gaydadsaustralia.comThis e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it or contact Dom Gili on 0400 296 253.

[Link: Original Article]

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Channel Nine - Sixty Minutes - "Dad's Coming Out"

Dad's Coming Out - 60 Minutes story featuring Reymon and Anthony Van Brown.



[Link: Part 1 - YouTube]
[Link: Part 2 - YouTube]

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The Australian - "PM to Fight States on Gay Adoptions" by AAP

THE Federal Government has put itself on a new collision course with the States by proposing a ban on gay couples adopting overseas.

THE federal government has indicated it would legislate to stop same-sex Australian couples adopting a child from overseas, in a move that would over-ride state and territory laws.

The move comes days after the Prime Minister took on the States by announcing a community-based Federal Government takeover of the Mersey Hospital in Devonport.

It also comes hot on the heels of a political debate on federalism, with Prime Minister John Howard branding as archaic Opposition Leader Kevin Rudd's plan to gives states more autonomy in using federal funds.

The move could herald a bitter and divided community debate, with views among some Australians likely to be polarised on what is a sensitive issue.

WA moved in 2002 to allow same-sex couples to adopt, the ACT passed similar legislation in 2004, and Tasmanian law allows gay couples to adopt where one of the partners is a parent of the child.

Mr Howard has previously said he does not support gay couples adopting children.

"I don't support gay adoption, no," Mr Howard said in response to the ACT's law change.

"I'm against gay adoption, just as I'm against gay marriage. ''

The government says it will introduce a bill into parliament in the spring session, which begins next week, that will mean overseas adoptions by same-sex couples will not be recognised in Australia.

If it becomes law, the child would not be granted a visa to enter Australia.

The Family Law (Same Sex Adoption) Bill is listed on the Prime Minister and Cabinet department's website as legislation "proposed for introduction in the 2007 spring sittings".

It will "amend the Family Law Act 1975 to indicate that adoptions by same sex couples of children from overseas under either bilateral or multilateral arrangements will not be recognised in Australia".

Overseas adoptions currently can occur between Australia and other countries that have ratified the Hague convention, or with which Australia has a bilateral agreement.

The move follows the landmark adoption of a boy by two gay men in Western Australia in June.

Under current laws, state and territory welfare authorities have responsibility for overseeing international adoptions, including negotiating agreements with other countries and assessing and approving prospective adoptive parents.

The adoption by two men of a stranger's child is believed to be a first for Australia, and was hailed as "groundbreaking" by the WA government and gay rights groups.

"I think there are certain benchmark institutions and arrangements in our society that you don't muck around with.

"Children ideally should be brought up by a mother and a father who are married. That's the ideal."
It is not known if the opposition will support the legislation.

Labor sided with the government in June to vote down a motion in the Senate that called for singles and same-sex couples to be given equal adoption rights and access to IVF.

The motion, put by Australian Greens senator Kerry Nettle, cited a report by the Victorian Law Reform Commission which found that having single, lesbian or gay parents did not pose a risk to children's wellbeing.

[Link: Original Article]

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Channel Seven - News Piece on Gay Adoption

[Link: Channel Seven]

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ABC Radio - Life Matters - "Meet the Listeners: and baby makes four" with Rob McDonald

Rob McDonald and family talk about his family and being a gay dad living with two Mums. "These days, families come in all forms, two parents, one parent -- but how about three parents living under the one roof? Today in our Meet the Listener segment we speak to Annie, Katy and Rob who live together and are all parents to baby Ali".

[Link: ABC Radio]

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The Sydney Morning Herald - "Family law playing catch-up with real life" by Adele Horin

THE law has not caught up with the reality of families like Eamon's. The question of who is a parent in these families is a crucial issue to be resolved. The Family Law Act, for example, with its presumption of shared parental responsibility and its new emphasis on shared residence, does not apply to lesbian parents who split up. The non-biological mother has no automatic rights and does not have to pay child support.

The co-parent's lack of legal status affects a child's standing under a host of laws, including those governing the right to inherit if the non-biological mother dies without a will, entitlement to superannuation after her death, and her power to consent to blood transfusions.

In Western Australia, the ACT and the Northern Territory the co-parent's name is on the birth certificate, and she has the legal status of a parent. The Victorian Law Reform Commission recommended this month that the state adopt a similar approach. A bill was drawn up in NSW last year to extend similar rights to co-parents but 18 months out from an election was considered too controversial. Such changes are usually only possible in the first year of a four-year term - that is in the next eight months.
Family law playing catch-up with real life

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June 16, 2007
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THE law has not caught up with the reality of families like Eamon's. The question of who is a parent in these families is a crucial issue to be resolved. The Family Law Act, for example, with its presumption of shared parental responsibility and its new emphasis on shared residence, does not apply to lesbian parents who split up. The non-biological mother has no automatic rights and does not have to pay child support.

The co-parent's lack of legal status affects a child's standing under a host of laws, including those governing the right to inherit if the non-biological mother dies without a will, entitlement to superannuation after her death, and her power to consent to blood transfusions.

In Western Australia, the ACT and the Northern Territory the co-parent's name is on the birth certificate, and she has the legal status of a parent. The Victorian Law Reform Commission recommended this month that the state adopt a similar approach. A bill was drawn up in NSW last year to extend similar rights to co-parents but 18 months out from an election was considered too controversial. Such changes are usually only possible in the first year of a four-year term - that is in the next eight months.

[Link: Original Article]

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The Sydney Morning Heralds - "I'm not gay, but my four mums are" by Adele Horin

EAMON WATERFORD is the sort of young man any mother would be proud to call son. He is smart, articulate, well-balanced, socially aware, and just downright nice.

In his case, there are one, two, three, and, at a pinch, four women who are proud to call Eamon "son". There is Mary Waterford, the mother who gave birth to him almost 21 years ago, and Jill Day, Mary's partner at the time. After they split up when Eamon was about two, Jill moved in with Sarah Dillane; and then Mary and Judy Finch became partners when Eamon was about six. All the women have been constants in his life since he can remember.

Eamon calls them "my four mothers" - and, while some might consider one mother too much, he enthuses about them all.

"I guess they all fulfil different aspects of parenting that I needed," says Eamon, who divided his time equally between the two households until he left high school.

At a time when pressure is mounting on state and federal governments to overturn laws that discriminate against gay couples and gay parents, Eamon is a reassuring figure. His experience may represent the future for other children raised by gay parents.

He is a second-year student in international studies at the University of NSW, and is aiming for a career in politics or the diplomatic service. He shares a house with two female friends and his "brother", Charlie, 19, with whom he is particularly close. Charlie is one of Judy's three children by a former marriage.

That he has turned out so well would be unsurprising to the thousands of lesbian couples now fuelling a gay baby boom across Australia.

But to traditionalists who believe children need a mother and father to thrive, it may come as a surprise to learn that Eamon, according to a growing body of international research, is typical of children raised by lesbian couples. On average these children are as well-adjusted and competent as children raised by heterosexual couples - if not more so.

But this is not research politicians are acquainted with, and only recently has it become robust enough to withstand critical scrutiny. Many conservatives say gay parents will have a corrosive effect on the institution of the family, and will inflict psychological damage on the children they raise. Father-absence is a big concern.

As these children grow into adults, more are able to reflect on their own upbringing, and speak for themselves. It is not surprising they, too, turn the microscope onto their own families.

"Recently I've started questioning myself about how it has affected me," Eamon says. "I had an absolutely female-dominated childhood; there must have been 30 or 40 lesbians I knew. But as one friend said, gay and lesbian parents will do things to mess their kids up in exactly the same way hetero parents will do."

The long battle for equal rights for gay couples and gay parents is entering a crucial stage. The Human Rights and Equal Opportunity Commission's report, "Same-sex: Same Entitlements", to be tabled in Federal Parliament next week, is expected to recommend overturning a host of discriminatory federal laws, including laws that effect family tax benefits, parenting payment, and child support. After a three-year inquiry, a Victorian Law Reform Commission report, "Assisted Reproductive Technology and Adoption", this month recommended extensive legal changes to give gay parents equal rights, including the right to adopt. Some of its recommendations will be discussed at a meeting of state and federal attorneys-general next month.

In NSW, the Government will come under pressure from the Gay and Lesbian Rights Lobby to introduce legislation giving children being cared for by same-sex partners the same protection under the law as other children. A crucial proposed change is to accord legal parental status to the lesbian partner of the birth parent.

As things stand, Jill, being Eamon's non-biological mother, has no legal rights to access or custody, or obligations to pay child support even though she has been in his life since his conception, was present at the birth, and has shared the care. Compared with heterosexual fathers, lesbian co-parents have been consistently described by researchers as more involved in their children's daily life. In one study, lesbian birth mothers reported more than 90 per cent of the co-mothers were equally involved in parenting, while this was only 37 per cent for straight fathers.

"What is needed is for state law to grant equal parental status for both women automatically from birth," says Jenni Millbank, professor of law at the University of Technology, Sydney, "and for those presumptions to be reflected in federal law, such as the Family Law Act."

In Eamon's case only Mary is his legal parent. "Logically Mary as the biological mother was in the position of power when we split up," Jill says, "but she is a woman with a great sense of honour, and she would not allow herself to exercise her power."

In 1985, Mary and Jill were trailblazers among Sydney lesbians. Eamon was conceived through artificial self-insemination with sperm donated by a close heterosexual friend of his mothers. He was one of the first babies in Australia raised from birth by lesbian parents.

"As the social stigma around homosexuality declines, more women are coming out as lesbians earlier in life, and they are less likely to have children in a heterosexual relationship," said Deborah Dempsey, a sociologist at Swinburne University of Technology, Melbourne, who has done extensive research on gay families. "There is more confidence about bringing a child into a gay relationship than in the past."

Mary, then 31, had such a strong maternal drive it swept all doubts away, including Jill's when they embarked on the rather arduous project of conception. They had been a couple for only a year, but once Jill caught the maternal bug it struck with a vengeance. "When I look back on it now, I was very optimistic," Mary says. "We would have a baby and this baby would be loved."

As Eamon tells it over coffee, his childhood was idyllic, growing up in the Blue Mountains, with no sense of being different. The mountains became a haven for lesbians in the 1980s, some of whom had children from previous straight relationships, or soon followed Mary's and Jill's lead. He went to a progressive school, Korowal, where he liked basketball, athletics and cricket, and excelled in music, drama and debating. He cannot remember being bullied or teased. He was not alone as a child of lesbian parents.

"Particularly early on, the majority of my friends would have had lesbian parents; I was part of a community of children of gay parents," Eamon says. "I guess it was when we spent a year in Alice Springs when I was about nine that I first realised it was unusual."

As they were trailblazers in bringing Eamon into the world, so Mary and Jill became trailblazers in separation, providing something of a model of co-operation for those who have again followed in their wake. Just as more lesbian couples have come to emulate straights in having a family, so too are more of them getting "divorced", Dr Dempsey says.

Eamon was too young to remember any tension over the break-up. Being shared 50/50 was an arrangement that was fantastic, he says, and at his insistence it continued through high school. Yet there was plenty of tension in the early years after Jill moved in with Sarah. "I was fearful of losing my position with him," Jill says.

Mary says: "There's a PhD to be written in sharing mothering … the competitiveness and jealousy around being the 'good mother'. Then, when Sarah wanted to take on the role of being mother as well … that was terrible. I always came back to the idea it was to Eamon's benefit to have a lot of people in his life."

Jill says: "We both wanted to have this gorgeous little angel all the time but our most honourable selves would never allow that to happen."

After Judy arrived on the scene with Charlie, 5, and two teenagers, the mothering relationship with Eamon was never as intense. However, he insists that she is one of his mothers. "Judy is the one I have a laugh with."

The 2001 census recorded 20,000 self-identified same-sex couples, a figure regarded as a gross under-representation; 19 per cent of the lesbian couples and 5 per cent of the men had dependent children. Not counted were the single gays with children, non-resident gay parents and older children. A survey of almost 5500 gay people in 2005 showed 25 per cent of the women had children, and of those who did not, 51 per cent wanted them.

Most of the studies examine how the children are functioning. Are they normal by all the usual measures psychologists use, and teachers observe? One of the pre-eminent researchers is Charlotte Patterson, a psychology professor at the University of Virginia, who will address a conference on gay parenting to be held by the Rainbow Families Council in Melbourne on June 29. In a 1996 study, Patterson found no big differences among the children of 55 lesbians and 25 heterosexual women, all of whom had had children through donor insemination.

Last year the Canadian Department of Justice, before legal changes were introduced, reviewed all the main studies on children of gay families. It concluded "the vast majority of studies show that children living with two mothers, and children living with a mother and father, have the same levels and qualities of social competence".

This was somewhat surprising, considering the potential for children of lesbian families to experience teasing, bullying and discrimination. But the research pointed to protective factors - the quality of the parents' relationship, the high quality of parenting by lesbians, good economic resources, and outside support.

The children with poorer adjustment, the studies found, were more likely to be raised in single-parent families - but the parent's sexual orientation was irrelevant. While many children raised by single gay or single heterosexual parents do well, they were at a similar elevated risk of difficulties compared with those raised in two-parent families. The gender of parents was much less significant, research showed, than having two of them.

Yet it is only natural, Eamon, thinks, that his unusual family should have left some distinctive imprint. There is the unresolved relationship with his father, for example, and the general lack of male role models in his early life.

Mary and Jill wanted Eamon to know his father, typical of lesbian parents, who are mostly acquainted with the need for children to know their biological roots. Dr Dempsey says: "The two-parent model with the involved donor is one of the most popular parenting models, but there is a continuum from no father involvement to his role as a third parent."

Jill and Mary wanted a father who was willing to be acknowledged, who would have some involvement, but not a day-to-day parenting role. Eamon, who looks like his father, and lived quite close, saw him occasionally. They had a friendly enough relationship. Yet an awkwardness remains, and emotional closeness eludes them. His father married - "Do I call his wife stepmother? There aren't enough words to describe these relationships." This "fifth" mother, Eamon says, "recognises a want in me and him, and our difficulty in doing anything about it." She has set up holidays together, and the relationship has improved.

Looking back, he understands he craved male role models, and the world of manly things. Between the mothers, he had several uncles, but most of them lived at distances. He became very close to Nick, one of Sarah's three brothers, but he died when Eamon was 12. "I was hugely affected," he says.

The subtext in some people's concerns over gay parents is that they will raise gay children. To gay parents, the very question of their children's sexuality reveals a homophobic premise - that it matters. But Judith Stacey, professor of sociology at New York University, believes there probably are differences when it comes to sexuality, and they should be celebrated.

"Even a genetic theory would lead you to that conclusion," she told The New York Times.

However, the research on the young adults' sexuality is sparse and inconclusive. The children of gay parents understandably are less affronted by homosexuality than most of their peers. They are more likely to consider a gay relationship, and even to experiment but, according to the limited research, appear no more likely to identify as gay. As researchers point out, nearly all gay people were raised by heterosexual parents.

It seems intrusive to ask Eamon about his sexuality, but he has given it some thought. "A lot of people, because of the way they've been brought up, never question their sexuality," he says. "I've always known I was attracted to women. For a while I wondered: how did I know I wasn't attracted to men? I know I'm not gay. But I have a lot of male gay friends, and a lot of female friends. But with heterosexual men I find it harder to have a close emotional bond."

Eamon is full of praise for his four mothers. He does not want to be defined by their sexual orientation. But they have helped make him the man he is. They have shaped his humanitarian values, his tolerance of difference, his political conscience, and his intellectual curiosity. Aware of how hard home life has been for some of his friends from straight families, he considers himself "amazingly lucky to have these incredibly loving parents".


[Link: Original Article]

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The Age - "The Gay Couple"

SARAH Marlowe gave birth to twins Callum and Rafi almost a year ago. Being clinically infertile, she was legally able to use IVF in Victoria.

Now her partner Felicity wants to have a baby. But the "problem" is that Felicity does not have a fertility problem,

which means she cannot legally access these services in this state.

Instead of going to the expense of travelling to a more permissive state, Felicity intends to use the sperm of a known donor and inseminate herself at home.

It's not ideal, and she would prefer to be inseminated by a doctor at a clinic. The couple see a clinic as her best chance of getting pregnant, but legally she can't do that unless the Government adopts the Victorian Law Reform Commission's recommendations.

The pair say a bigger problem is the lack of legal recognition for Felicity as the twins' legal parent. Under current laws only the biological mother can be on the birth certificate.

They welcomed yesterday's recommendations giving both parents legal recognition. Felicity, speaking on behalf of the Rainbow Families Council, said the report reflected the reality

of diverse families. "At the moment it's still in the climate of uncertainty and we'd love there to be some legal certainty as soon as possible."

[Link: Original Article]

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Herald Sun - "Gay ceremony double dads' day" by Mary Bolling

THE champagne was popping, the roses were red, and the couple was happy - and gay.

Yesterday, Jeff Chiang and Rodney Cruise were Victoria's first gay couple to sign a relationship register.

They celebrated the event yesterday as Yarra Council launched its Relationship Declaration Register, which offers to record same-sex and mixed-sex relationships.

* Park damaged: Midsumma festival costly

While signing the register will not give the Richmond couple the rights of marriage, they're hoping it's a small step towards more rights as parents of their son Ethan.

With friends gathered, the couple used the Fitzroy Town Hall launch to exchange commitment vows.

In front of civil celebrant and fellow gay father Jason Tuazon-McCheyne, Mr Cruise and Mr Chiang promised to be faithful and loving.

"You are my best friend, my lover, and the father of my son Ethan," they said to each other. "I now proudly take your hand as you have taken my heart."

During the ceremony, Yarra Council mayor Jenny Farrar told how the couple had mortgaged their home and travelled to the United States to have baby Ethan through IVF and surrogacy.

Ethan is the biological son of one of the men, but the couple preferred not to know which one.

Under Australian law, however, the non-biological father is not allowed to formally adopt.

"It's a terrible situation to be in, that one of us doesn't have parental rights," Mr Cruise said. "Queer families -- 'rainbow families' -- are on the increase, which means a lot of children aren't protected by their parents having rights."

Mr Chiang held four-month-old Ethan during the ceremony.

Yarra Council voted unanimously to introduce the Relationship Register earlier this year, following the lead of Melbourne City Council.

Last month, the State Government also bowed to pressure from councils and lobby groups, promising to introduce a statewide register by the end of the year.

[Link: Original Article]

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The Sunday Times - "No joy for gay `dads'" by Braden Quartermaine

THE first homosexual couple in WA approved an adoption are still waiting because no birth mother has wanted her child to have "two dads''.
Liberalised laws introduced by the Labor Government in 2002 allow same-sex couples to adopt children if they can convince authorities they would make suitable parents.

The Department for Community Development approved the couple's application about three years ago, but so far no birth mother has chosen to give her child to them.

The two men may never become fathers because under the law a child's birth parents also have to approve the new parents.

Gay and Lesbian Equality WA convenor Rod Swift said people should accept that already there were gay and lesbian mothers and fathers in the community, and same-sex couples were making excellent parents.

"Gay and lesbian couples now see that parenting is something they do want to do,'' he said.

"There are more and more people choosing to conceive.

"It's not something they're choosing like they go out and get a pet; it's something they are actively thinking quite responsibly about.

"The fact that they're gay or lesbian is irrelevant to their ability to parent, in fact most are fantastic parents.''

The so-far-childless gay couple aren't receiving any sympathy from Australian Family Association WA Branch president John Barich, who was thrilled they had not been given a child yet.

Mr Barich said it would be cruel to the child and it was only natural that a birth mother would choose a man and a woman, rather than two men, to be parents to her child.

"We're very glad, we predicted it,'' he said.

"A child is not goods to pass around, and the child doesn't get to give his or her opinion until it's too late -- then he finds out he's got two dads.

"Having children is not a right, it's something nature gives you.

"Nature hasn't given it to them -- therefore they ought to desist and dedicate themselves some other way to humanity.

"Playing mothers and fathers is obviously not what is meant for them.''

But Mr Swift said: "When the Australian Family Association and other conservative groups turn around and say it's cruel to children not to give them a mother and a father, they don't realise they're living in some sort of utopian fantasy land.''

The Liberal Party strongly opposed the introduction of legislation allowing adoption by gay couples, but is not committing to repealing the laws if it returns to power in WA.

"We are yet to discuss any possible changes to the legislation under a Liberal government,'' Opposition Leader Paul Omodei said.

The Department for Community Development said no same-sex couple had applied to adopt since the historic first approval.

[Link: Original Article]

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ABC TV - Stateline Victoria - "Government considering widespread remorms to the state's IVF and surrogancy laws" by Cheryl Hall

Transcript - Stateline Victoria - "Government considering widespread remorms to the state's IVF and surrogancy laws" by Cheryl Hall

JACKIE ROBINSON, MOTHER: What better proof do you need, apart from looking at them. You can tell they're certainly --

BRETT ROBINSON, FATHER: If you look at them, you can tell they're ours.

JACKIE ROBINSON: Certainly Brett's.

BRETT ROBINSON: Chad's more like me and Todd’s more like you.

CHERYL HALL, REPORTER: Brett and Jackie Robinson are the proud parents of twin boys, Chad and Todd. Using their own eggs and sperm, the boys were conceived through IVF. But as Jackie Robinson has explained to her sons, they were carried by a friend who acted as a surrogate mother.

JACKIE ROBINSON: Belinda, bless her, she was absolutely fantastic in what she's done for us. Her whole idea was just to help us out to become a family and she did a fantastic job and she said that's where it stops. When the boys are born, they're ours and for us to raise as we see fit.

BRETT ROBINSON: We can't thank her enough for what they’ve done. That's great. We're very happy.

CHERYL HALL: But the complications began even before the boys were born.

JACKIE ROBINSON: We were originally under the impression that Brett was going to be allowed to be on the birth certificate and we thought with that, we can later have me added. That didn't worry us, just so long as one of us was on the birth certificate to start with was great. Then we found out, after Belinda was already pregnant, or carrying the boys, that they had to be a legally married couple to even go into the process, so from that day on Mark's name is on it and neither of us got a look in.

CHERYL HALL: Under Victorian law it's the surrogate mother, the woman who gives birth, who is listed as the mother on the birth certificate, and her husband is listed as the father. It's created endless problems for Jackie and Brett Robinson, who have no legal parenting rights over their sons.

JACKIE ROBINSON: I actually found out when one of my boys was going in to have his tonsils out and I was just discussing with the nurse as we were carrying him in to be anaesthetized. I was saying to the nurse the size of the boys and she said, “You must have been huge,” and I said, “I didn’t actually carry them,” and I explained to her that we had a wonderful surrogate who did that for us. She said, "Do you realise you can't admit your boy in the hospital? You have to have the surrogate's consent because she's the legal mother." That really spun me out then. I thought, “That can't be right, they’re my boys.” If we ever need to apply for passports, we have to get Belinda's consent on almost anything, which is not right. It's crazy. The laws are crazy.

CHERYL HALL: There's no doubt the Robinsons are the biological parents of Chad and Todd. They've even had DNA tests to prove it, but it changes nothing. The legal limbo created by the current laws isn't limited to the traditional family unit. It also affects a growing community of gay and lesbian parents who have found ways to have children. Rodney and Jeff Chiang-Cruise spent $150,000 in the United States to have baby Ethan, through an anonymous egg donor and a surrogate mother.

JEFF CHIANG-CRUISE, PARENT: Before we had Ethan we socialised with other gay dads so we got a lot of ideas from them and got a lot of advice from them as well.

CHERYL HALL: What's been the hardest bit?

JEFF CHIANG-CRUISE: Initially probably waking up (indistinct) but he's being very good to us and he's sleeping through the night for the last 1.5 months.

CHERYL HALL: One of them is the biological father; the surrogate mother is listed on the birth certificate as unknown. But the bureaucratic problems started once they arrived back in Melbourne.

RODNEY CHIANG-CRUISE, PARENT: One of us is the biological father of Ethan and one of us is the non-biological father of Ethan. The non-biological father has no parenting rights in Australia. It presents issues when applying for a passport. It could present issues if Ethan gets sick and needs medical treatment in hospital. We could be presented with problems there. But the biggest fear is if the biological father does die, Ethan actually has no parent at all, no relative at all under the law, even though he has another father.

CHERYL HALL: Rodney and Jeff Chiang-Cruise are planning to be the first couple on the City of Yarra's new relationship register when it opens on 7 May. They hope the council register and the one being set up by the State Government will inadvertently help the non-biological parent to adopt Ethan by providing evidence a relationship exists. But that's a move that will be opposed by the powerful Christian lobby. They support the relationship register, as long as it doesn't mimic marriage and doesn't open the door to adoption or parenting rights for same sex couples.

ROB WARD, AUSTRALIAN CHRISTIAN LOBBY: The register doesn't allow that. That would be a consequential change to other acts like the Adoption Act and so on. We feel the best interests of the child might not be served in that situation.

CHERYL HALL: Why not?

ROB WARD: The evidence seems to be pretty clear that the best interests of a child are served by having a mother and a father present, and that would be the ideal that we would be aiming for.

CHERYL HALL: If the State Government follows the interim recommendations of the Law Reform Commission, Jackie and Brett Robinson will be recognised as parents, with the surrogate's consent. But Rodney and Jeff Chiang-Cruise face bigger hurdles. Under the interim recommendations, they could have a child through altruistic surrogacy, but not commercial surrogacy. The Christian lobby is opposing both.

ROB WARD: I would say that there is a great deal of sympathy for infertile couples - I’m talking here married, heterosexual couples. Let me make that distinction really clear. There is a great deal of sympathy for people who are infertile. I’m not quite sure that we're ready to rush down the road and to open the door, if you like, to surrogacy for all. Certainly not for homosexual couples.

CHERYL HALL: Can you say what you think would be best for the child in this situation?

ROB WARD: Firstly for it not to have happened. This couple, and perhaps others like them, are making a deliberate choice, a conscious decision, to bring about a child that doesn't have proper parents in the normal sense. One wonders, down the track, what the future for that child might be, how confused that child might be about who its mother was, who its father is.

CHERYL HALL: Rodney and Jeff Chiang-Cruise believe the community is ready to accept gay and lesbian families.

RODNEY CHIANG-CRUISE: We’ve had nothing but positive experiences. The community looks at a family and it doesn't matter what shape it is, and if it's happy and they see the kids are looked after and loved, that's what matters.
: What better proof do you need, apart from looking at them. You can tell they're certainly --

BRETT ROBINSON: If you look at them, you can tell they're ours.

JACKIE ROBINSON: Certainly Brett's.

BRETT ROBINSON: Chad's more like me and Todd’s more like you.

CHERYL HALL: Brett and Jackie Robinson are the proud parents of twin boys, Chad and Todd. Using their own eggs and sperm, the boys were conceived through IVF. But as Jackie Robinson has explained to her sons, they were carried by a friend who acted as a surrogate mother.

JACKIE ROBINSON: Belinda, bless her, she was absolutely fantastic in what she's done for us. Her whole idea was just to help us out to become a family and she did a fantastic job and she said that's where it stops. When the boys are born, they're ours and for us to raise as we see fit.

BRETT ROBINSON: We can't thank her enough for what they’ve done. That's great. We're very happy.

CHERYL HALL: But the complications began even before the boys were born.

JACKIE ROBINSON: We were originally under the impression that Brett was going to be allowed to be on the birth certificate and we thought with that, we can later have me added. That didn't worry us, just so long as one of us was on the birth certificate to start with was great. Then we found out, after Belinda was already pregnant, or carrying the boys, that they had to be a legally married couple to even go into the process, so from that day on Mark's name is on it and neither of us got a look in.

CHERYL HALL: Under Victorian law it's the surrogate mother, the woman who gives birth, who is listed as the mother on the birth certificate, and her husband is listed as the father. It's created endless problems for Jackie and Brett Robinson, who have no legal parenting rights over their sons.

JACKIE ROBINSON: I actually found out when one of my boys was going in to have his tonsils out and I was just discussing with the nurse as we were carrying him in to be anaesthetized. I was saying to the nurse the size of the boys and she said, “You must have been huge,” and I said, “I didn’t actually carry them,” and I explained to her that we had a wonderful surrogate who did that for us. She said, "Do you realise you can't admit your boy in the hospital? You have to have the surrogate's consent because she's the legal mother." That really spun me out then. I thought, “That can't be right, they’re my boys.” If we ever need to apply for passports, we have to get Belinda's consent on almost anything, which is not right. It's crazy. The laws are crazy.

CHERYL HALL: There's no doubt the Robinsons are the biological parents of Chad and Todd. They've even had DNA tests to prove it, but it changes nothing. The legal limbo created by the current laws isn't limited to the traditional family unit. It also affects a growing community of gay and lesbian parents who have found ways to have children. Rodney and Jeff Chiang-Cruise spent $150,000 in the United States to have baby Ethan, through an anonymous egg donor and a surrogate mother.

JEFF CHIANG-CRUISE: Before we had Ethan we socialised with other gay dads so we got a lot of ideas from them and got a lot of advice from them as well.

CHERYL HALL: What's been the hardest bit?

JEFF CHIANG-CRUISE: Initially probably waking up (indistinct) but he's being very good to us and he's sleeping through the night for the last 1.5 months.

CHERYL HALL: One of them is the biological father; the surrogate mother is listed on the birth certificate as unknown. But the bureaucratic problems started once they arrived back in Melbourne.

RODNEY CHIANG-CRUISE: One of us is the biological father of Ethan and one of us is the non-biological father of Ethan. The non-biological father has no parenting rights in Australia. It presents issues when applying for a passport. It could present issues if Ethan gets sick and needs medical treatment in hospital. We could be presented with problems there. But the biggest fear is if the biological father does die, Ethan actually has no parent at all, no relative at all under the law, even though he has another father.

CHERYL HALL: Rodney and Jeff Chiang-Cruise are planning to be the first couple on the City of Yarra's new relationship register when it opens on 7 May. They hope the council register and the one being set up by the State Government will inadvertently help the non-biological parent to adopt Ethan by providing evidence a relationship exists. But that's a move that will be opposed by the powerful Christian lobby. They support the relationship register, as long as it doesn't mimic marriage and doesn't open the door to adoption or parenting rights for same sex couples.

ROB WARD: The register doesn't allow that. That would be a consequential change to other acts like the Adoption Act and so on. We feel the best interests of the child might not be served in that situation.

CHERYL HALL: Why not?

ROB WARD: The evidence seems to be pretty clear that the best interests of a child are served by having a mother and a father present, and that would be the ideal that we would be aiming for.

CHERYL HALL: If the State Government follows the interim recommendations of the Law Reform Commission, Jackie and Brett Robinson will be recognised as parents, with the surrogate's consent. But Rodney and Jeff Chiang-Cruise face bigger hurdles. Under the interim recommendations, they could have a child through altruistic surrogacy, but not commercial surrogacy. The Christian lobby is opposing both.

ROB WARD: I would say that there is a great deal of sympathy for infertile couples - I’m talking here married, heterosexual couples. Let me make that distinction really clear. There is a great deal of sympathy for people who are infertile. I’m not quite sure that we're ready to rush down the road and to open the door, if you like, to surrogacy for all. Certainly not for homosexual couples.

CHERYL HALL: Can you say what you think would be best for the child in this situation?

ROB WARD: Firstly for it not to have happened. This couple, and perhaps others like them, are making a deliberate choice, a conscious decision, to bring about a child that doesn't have proper parents in the normal sense. One wonders, down the track, what the future for that child might be, how confused that child might be about who its mother was, who its father is.

CHERYL HALL: Rodney and Jeff Chiang-Cruise believe the community is ready to accept gay and lesbian families.

RODNEY CHIANG-CRUISE: We’ve had nothing but positive experiences. The community looks at a family and it doesn't matter what shape it is, and if it's happy and they see the kids are looked after and loved, that's what matters.

[Link: ABC Transcript]

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