MCV - "And Baby Makes Four" by David Knox

David Knox meets the faces behind the forthcoming TV program, Two Men and Two Babies.

“We agreed we wouldn’t be doing any form of 7Up series,” insists Lee Matthews. “And here we are again.”

Five years ago, Matthews and his partner Tony Woods allowed cameras into their lives when they embarked on the rather rare experience of becoming gay dads.

Man Made: The Story of Two Men and a Baby followed their journey to Iowa, where their surrogate, Junoa, gave birth to their son Alexander in 2003.

At the time their story was shown on SBS, it attracted considerable media attention, both positive and negative, as an evolving definition of that oh-so-complex term, the modern Australian family. Matthews and Woods quickly became community ambassadors whether they liked it or not, immediately personifying options for gay men, politicians and conservative foes all at the same time.

As filmmaker Emma Crimmings explains, that first film raised other questions that SBS was keen to explore. Surrogacy is one part of the family’s journey, but how would it resonate as Alexander grew up? With cameras rolling, she took a second look.

“What I expected to find was more layers, more complexity that I wasn’t able to provide in the first [film] because it was such a rollicking narrative,” she tells MCV.

“It was a road movie with a baby. But the second one appealed to me because I could go out another circle, if you will, to the extended family and see the ripples of the choices that they made.”

But Crimmings’ questions were ones that the subjects weren’t sure were worth asking.

“We actually said to her, ‘Are you sure you want to do it, because we’re bloody boring anyway’” tells Woods.

“The life that we lead is no different to 95% of the general public, but of course it’s that very ordinariness that makes the political point that we’re not some extremist group. We’re just gay men with a family who have the same issues. But the very ordinariness is what makes the story,” he adds.

The two men’s son, Alexander, is now five years old, in his third year of pre-school, while daughter Lucy, two years old and also conceived with Junoa, is in crèche.

“To put ourselves out there as a news story when we’re just an everyday family doesn’t quite gel. There’s really nothing to say. We get up in the morning, we feed our kids breakfast, we get them to school, we go to work,” says Matthews.

Yet in 2008, this normality is still denied equity. Woods and Matthews have both been actively involved with the Rainbow Family Council, through which they have developed friendships with dozens of families, many of whom were directly inspired by their own story.

Rainbow Family Council spokesperson, Felicity Marlowe, acknowledges the need to personalise gay parenting.

“Telling our stories is an important step towards social and legal recognition. It’s about winning the hearts and minds of the broader community and getting them to understand that our families are just like any other family, and that that love makes a family,” she says.

It’s no coincidence that ‘Love Makes A Family’ is the name given to a four-year advocacy campaign focussed on the rights of same-sex parents and their children, which is finally winning political reform.

“The Victorian State Government in December approved most of the recommendations that the Victorian Law Reform Commission put in its report, that was tabled in June,” said Marlowe of the struggle for political recognition.

“But they didn’t approve anything to do with adoption, which for people in Lee and Tony’s situation is a key issue. Because they don’t have a birth mother in the primary relationship.”

Stopping short of recognising non-biological parent remains a sticking point for gay and lesbian parents.

“You can only say it’s because there’s this apprehension in the mind of the legislators that gay people are not fit parents, or the community doesn’t believe they are,” Woods theorises.

Still, five years on, there’s reason for hope.

“It feels like 2008 will be a year of change a way from the social conservatism of this current decade. I feel optimistic that the kids will grow up in a supportive, accepting environment,” he concludes.

Such a future has definitely been shaped by his and his partner’s willingness to publicly share their story.

“The guys are very brave doing it again,” Emma Crimmings says. “Once they hop on board, they’re on board, which I find incredibly admirable. It’s not easy to throw yourselves out there warts and all, dressing gowns and all.”

www.rainbowfamilies.org.au

Two Men and Two Babies airs 7:30pm Tuesday January 29 on SBS.

[Link: Original Article]

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Notebook Magazine - "Devoted Dads"

January Edition of "Notebook" Magazine featuring an article entitled "Devoted Dads" with Rodney, Jeff and Ethan Chiang-Cruise.

Rodney, Jeff and Ethan, 11 months

Attorney Rodney Cruise and his partner, Jeff Chiang, want the same things for their baby son, Ethan, as most parents. "Love, understanding, acceptance; that's what we will give Ethan, " says Rodney. "We want our son to grow up knowing he is loved unconditionally - and we'll support him to become a happy, successful, well-balanced person, gay or straight, with his own family one day if he chooses".

Rodney says his mother loved and supported him through his difficult early teenage years when he first realised he was gay. Similarly, he wants to be there for his son whatever needs may arise. "From about the age of 17, I knew I wanted to be a parent some day and I knew that being gay was going to make it more difficult. But I had a lot of things I wanted and needed to do first. Then, when I met Jeff in late 2000, one of the first things we talked about was having children. It was so exciting to meet a man who shared the same aspiration".

Over the next five years, Rodney and Jeff considered all sorts of parenting possibilities, including co-parenting with a lesbian couple, adoption, fostering and surrogacy. Adoption is not legally possible for gay couples in Australia, unlike many Western countries. The couple felt fostering was too temporary, and co-parenting wasn't ideal because Rodney and Jeff wanted to be full-time parents. After watching a documentary about a gay couple from Melbourne who achieved parenthood through surrogacy in the United States, Rodney and Jeff realised they had found a way.

"We registered with a surrogacy agency in the US and started saving madly for what was ahead". The agency found them a "gestational surrogate": a woman who is prepared to undergo IVF treatment using a fertilised donor egg and carry the pregnancy to full term. "The egg was from a donor and the sperm was from both of us. Then we waited to see if any eggs fertilised", recalls Rodney.

Rodney and Jeff's dream to have a child then moved forward progressively and effortlessly, as if it was meant to be. In January 2006, the pair flew to California to meet Kelly, a 29 year old mother of two from Ohio, who had agreed to act as a surrogate. The Australian couple bonded easily with the warm down to earth Kelly and her husband, Mike, and were only too happy to return to California a few months later for the first IVF treatment. Two weeks later, Rodney and Jeff's phone range at three o'clock in the morning. "We go the news that we were pregnant, " says Rodney, beaming with delight at the recollection. "We were so lucky to be successful on our very first go."

Nine months later, Rodney and Jeff checked into the local maternity hospital in Ohio with Kelly and her husband to await the birth of what they knew by then, would be a son. Everyone was ragged after Kelly's 13 hour labour, but when Ethan finally arrived everyone hugged each other with joy, including the hospital staff. "The Ohio medical team were incredibly supportive; we were so desperately excited to have a baby, says Rodney.

Today, Rodney is back at work full-time and still finds himself constantly thinking about his son in between legal work. Jeff works part-time and both dads feed, bath, change nappies, and get up in the middle of the night when required. "We both want to be involved; we both want to be the best parents we can be. Ethan doesn't have a mum - he has two dads, but most of all he has two parents," says Rodney. Ethan also has an 'auntie' in Ohio, of course, who has become a firm family friend.

Rodney and Jeff don't foresee Ethan having a tricky childhood because of the unusual circumstances surrounding his birth. "The issues that make our lives more difficult are not social," explains Rodney. "What is most frustrating is the institutionalised discrimination that occurs as a result of Australian law. This country simply does not recognise Ethan, Jeff and I as a 'family' in the normal way". The couple have recently applied for a Parental Responsibility Order from the Family Court, which will grant them the right to make major decisions about the care of their child. It is not exactly the same as parental status, but it does prescribe who is responsible for Ethan, and most importantly, it grants equal rights to a non-biological father who is part of a gay couple.

"If Ethan is admitted to hospital, for example, and needs urgent treatment, we wouldn't be able to make critical decisions about our son's wellbeing as a result [without a Parental Responsibility Order]. There are thousands of same-sex parent families in Australia who suffer this discrimination and in all cases, it's the children who suffer. But who knows? Perhaps Jeff, Ethan and I can lobby for things to change," says Rodney.

For the time being, Rodney and Jeff enjoy being a family , and like most proud parents, they're wide-eyed with pride and love as they watch their smiling boy learn to cuddle, communicate and crawl. "We won't hide anything from Ethan, "says Rodney as he, Jeff and Ethan snuggle together on the living-room sofa for a group hug. "We will always tell him everything he wants to know".

[Link: Original Article]

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Who Magazine - "Not Your Average Family" by Michael Crooks & Emma Dimwiddie

Two same-sex couples share the joy and challenges of parenthood.

Whenever their eyes settle on their little girl, Kirk and Rob Marcolina's faces beam. Although Sophie is already 20 months old, her two dads are still overwhelmed with having a daughter and relishing their role as fathers. "The most rewarding things are seeing here take her first step, say her first word or give you her first kiss," says Rob, 37, in the couple's Rose Bay, Sydney, home. "It is so much fun to watch her grow and learn about the world."

That they treasure such moments isn't surprising. To have Sophie - Kirk's biological child - has been a lengthy, often complicated, process for the couple. Indeed, for any gay or lesbian couple desiring children of their own, the journey can be costly and often relies on the goodwill of others, including sperm and egg donors and surrogate mothers. Then, once they become parents, homosexuals don't have the same rights and privileges as heterosexual couples - a hot issue during the federal election campaign. (In June, WA became the first Australian state to allow a gay couple to adopt a child.) Indeed, it's not easy, says Kirk, 37, "for a gay couple to have a child."

Not that they were ever deterred. Kirk and Rob's plant to start a family was on the agenda from the moment they met as neighbours in Los Angeles in 2001. "One of the things that attracted us to each other was the fact we both wanted to have kdis one day," says Kirk, a stay-at-home dad and former TV producer from Philadelphia. He and Melbourne-born Rob, who was working in Los Angeles when they met, married legally in Canada in 2003 and set about starting a family. "It was a question of how," says Rob, now a management consultant in Sydney for a US-Based company.

They decided on the surrogacy route, and Rob's sister, Kym, a Melbourne mother of two, volunteered to donate an egg. Kirk would provide the sperm for the in-vitro fertilisation treatment. "Kym knew how important it was for me to have a child," says Rob, who proudly points out that Sophie has a resemblance to his side of the family. Adds Kirk: "It was an amazing gift to us." The next challenge was finding a gestational surrogate (a "traditional" surrogate involves the woman's own egg). While paid surrogacy is illegal in Australia, in the US there are agencies that cate for gay and lesbian couples. Through the Los Angeles agency Growing Generations, Rob and Kirk were put in touch with Sonia, who was implatnted with the fertilised egg (the couple preferred not to disclose what the surrogacy cost, but the price can range from $US115,000 to $US150,000). "We had full involvement during the pregnancy," says Rob, "and we were at the birth, which was a wonderful experience. When Sophie was born, the doctor handed Sophie to Kirk and I got to cut the cord."

Being a two-dad family might be different - "At some of the playgroups, you definitely sick out," says Kirk - but the couple haven't yet faced any social hurdles. "People are curious because it's not your average family." says Kirk. "But everyone has been very positive."

Sydney couple Kendi and Leigh Burness-Cowan have also had a favourable experience in raising their two children. "I don't feel there is any difference really between us and other couples with children." says 32-year old Kendi, a Sydney communications officer who gay birth to both the couple's children, Hunter, 3, and Hugo, 7 months (the couple use a sperm donor found through a personal ad). "A few people took a while to warm to the idea, but nobody has said anything negative."

Where problems can arise is in the rights of the parents. THe Burness-Cowans and the Marcolinas "are not legally recognised as couples," says human-rights commissioner Graeme Innes. "It can have an impact in terms of access to the Medicare safety net, access to various tax provisions and access to leave which might relate to looking after a sick child."

For Kendi, this hasn't posed a problem, "apart from crossing out lots of "father' columns on various forms," she says. "Where it would be an issue would be if the parents separated and there were custody issues, although the courts consider a child's 'best interest.'" And Rob and Kirk say they simply want more acceptance of gay and lesbian families in Australia. "A lot of people say gay people shouldn't be parents," says Rob. "What I'd like to say is that when a gay person has a family, they really want that child - they're the most wanted kids, in a way Sophie has the love of two dads, two loving parents, which is all you can really ask for."

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Review Asia - "All in the family : A Double Dose of Love" by Emma Westward

For gays and lesbians, having kids used to be an impossible dream. Emma Westwood meets two Australian couples who are building a brave new family world

CASE 1
Two mummas
Parents: Janet Asser and
Zoë McCallum
Children: Felix and Sebastian
(twins age 21 months)

For Zoë McCallum, kneeling in front of the coffee table with reheated pasta and one ear trained on the bedroom where her twin boys, Felix and Sebastian, sleep is a typical daily ritual. Like other families in Australia today, she tag-teams parenting with her partner who’ll be home from shift work at 11pm. In that way, McCallum is your average mum. Start her talking about the current crisis in childcare, and she is as impassioned as the next person. But if raising a child wasn’t difficult enough, McCallum and her partner, Janet Asser, have double the responsibility (twins) and they’re also in a same-sex relationship – one that has no legal recognition in the eyes of the Australian government and one that saw them jump through a number of hoops
and loopholes to realize the family they believe they deserved.

As the biological mother of the children, McCallum conceived through in vitro fertilization (IVF) and the altruistic “gift” from a traceable sperm donor. However,
just like a mother in a stable heterosexual relationship, she equally shares the parenting duties with Asser – which includes being called mumma. For the boys, Asser
and McCallum are both their parents, even though the law prevents Asser from appearing on their birth certificates. “We had twins who required both of us to be involved from the moment they were born,” says Asser of their individual responsibilities in the nurturing of their children. “There was not an abundance of breast milk so top-up bottle feeds were required. Each feeding session took about an hour and a half. Zoë would breast feed one then I would bottle feed that child and repeat the process with the second.

“I never saw the boys as anything but my children,” she continues. “I was there from their creation to birth and beyond. It is all and much more than I expected. The
only thing I didn’t factor in was how vulnerable it makes you. I fear for my kids in
a gut-wrenching way. It is a bizarre sensation to know that you have two beautiful
creatures who rely on you for everything and you must protect them.”

The road to domestic bliss – or should we say, “domestic hubbub” in the case of the energetic Asser-McCallum twins – was not smooth sailing. Issues surrounding assisted reproductive technology for same-sex couples in Australia are complex and vary across states. For lesbian couples, the only alternatives are the rather crude “turkey baster” method or to access IVF by masquerading in a heterosexual relationship and proving that the woman is medically infertile. In the state of Victoria, IVF is not available to single women, and lesbians are officially deemed “single” by an outdated system.

“I had never felt discriminated against before,” laments McCallum. “Never in my entire life, despite being an ‘out’ and professional female, so being discriminated
against with regards to having kids was a life-changing thing. To have your rights curtailed about reproduction is probably one of the most emotional things, I would argue.

“I made myself aware of what laws were available and what the options were,” adds McCallum, who speaks with anger over a situation she feels is yet to be rectified.
“I’d followed debates for some time and had written letters to the prime minister
over the years challenging his family values and the absolute myths of the nuclear
family and the fact that all that stuff was predicated on wrong data – or no data.”
Eventually, McCallum’s research and unwavering determination to create the family she had always desired led her to the Rainbow Families Organization, a support group established for samesex parents. Through RFO information sessions, Asser and McCallum met other women in similar circumstances to themselves and eventually were referred to a doctor who was sympathetic to their cause.

With McCallum trained as a pediatrician and Asser a pediatric nurse, both were aware of problems arising from genetics and, therefore, mindful their donor’s full profile was readily available to them. The next hurdle was choosing who would carry the child.
“That was a huge quandary for us because we had to consider Janet being the biological mother rather than me, which I had never prepared myself for,” explains McCallum. However, Asser’s attempts at conception proved fruitless and McCallum, suspected to have polycystic ovaries, was then able to step up as a “back-up womb”.

“I had to think of Janet as the biological mother of my child in a way I never had before,” says McCallum. “The only sadness of that was, when she didn’t fall pregnant, we had to grieve for that. She had to face up to the fact that she could not have one. It sounds a bit clichéd, but it definitely solidified our intent to have a family and made us more true co-parents. “I’m still sad that I can’t parent her biological child in the way any other partner would if they were straight or gay. I suppose that’s been reinforced by having my own biological kids and seeing the true gift of it. Janet said the other day, ‘I never once have felt that these children are not mine.’ ” While McCallum and Asser have been supported in their workplaces as two mothers raising two boys, inevitably there are the knockers who consider their situation “unnatural”. “I used to be angry and want to educate them, but now I pity them,” says McCallum.

As part of any community, the boys have constant male role models and their parents are even contemplating employing a “manny”, but regardless, Asser is unashamedly a tomboy and, unlike McCallum, knows how to play “boy-style”, throwing balls around and the like.

“Janet and I are so different and have one of those relationships where we are much
bigger than the sum of our parts because of our differences,” says McCallum. “Hopefully, we’ll set a good example for the boys because our relationship shows how two completely different people can live fantastically together – fulfilling very happy lives – and make society a better place, despite having completely different ways of doing it.”

CASE 2
Daddy and Tatay
Parents: Jason and Adrian
Tuazon-McCheyne
Children: Ruben (age 20 months)

When meeting Jason and Adrian Tuazon-McCheyne at a café, it is hardly difficult
spotting them walking down the street. “We’ll be the two guys – one white, one Filipino – pushing a pram,” laughs Jason. For some, being in an interracial relationship is challenging enough, let alone living openly as homosexual men and overcoming the many roadblocks to fathering a child together. In order to complete their family unit, though, Adrian and Jason were willing to go to the ends of the Earth.

Their journey took them to Los Angeles, to be exact – via Toronto in Canada, where the two officially married in 2004 because homosexual marriages are still not legal in Australia. Well before that, in 2000, they discussed the possibility of starting a family and resolved that it was a path they were both very eager to tread.

Firstly, the two men investigated adoption, but very quickly found the door slammed firmly in their faces. “We were told not to bother even coming to the information session,” says Jason. The next option was surrogacy through an American agency – a costly, time-consuming and controversial process, but one Adrian and Jason were willing to endure in order to pursue their dream.

“All of the surrogates are screened medically and psychologically,” explains Jason. “They have to have had children already. They have to be financially independent, although they receive a modest stipend. They have to be an appropriate person to be a surrogate first before they even go into the pool.

“In our case, she [the surrogate] provided the egg, but most surrogates don’t – they just carry the fertilized embryo,” says Jason. “We used what they call ‘traditional
surrogacy’ where it was done through insemination. But it could only be from one of us, and whether it was one or two babies was a natural occurrence.”

As with all pregnancies, the experience was what Adrian calls a “roller-coaster ride”. In fact, before Ruben, their surrogate suffered a miscarriage. “It was really, really sad because you just don’t know what’s going to happen next,” says Adrian. “You’re not sure whether it’s going to work.”

Yet, the men were keen to push forward in their attempts for a successful pregnancy and, as far as they were concerned, they would continue pushing until they had a child.
“We went to America four times,” reveals Jason. “Once to start the process, two to meet her, three to see how the pregnancy was going and four for the birth. It was good that we were far away because we couldn’t worry about the day-to-day.”

Adrian adds: “The main thing we didn’t want her to do was drink or smoke, which she didn’t.” “It was never her baby,” says Jason. “She never felt that it was her baby. Her partner and children never bonded with the pregnancy.

Legally, once Ruben was conceived, he was our child. And that was important. Over there, it’s all legally and ethically done above reproach. They’re more concerned
that you won’t come and take your child. After all of this, if you don’t take your child, they go up for adoption.” Just like any fathers, Adrian and Jason were present at the birth of their child – videotaping and taking photographs for posterity. Their surrogate only saw the baby the next day after the birth, although the two families got together for lunch before Adrian and Jason flew with little Ruben back home to Australia.

They retain friendship ties to this day. “We had to work really hard, seven days a week, for five years beforehand to be able to afford the process, prepare everything, fly to the United States, have the car seat in the car ready for when Ruben got home… and somehow that’s bad?” says Jason in response to any critics.

“There’s this widespread belief that men are not natural parents, which is definitely not true,” adds Adrian. “It’s always that the women are more important than men.” As far as Ruben is concerned, having two dads is as natural as a mother and father. “He differentiates between the two of us – daddy and Tatay, which is ‘daddy’ in Filipino,” Jason says.

“When it comes down to it, gender is not important anyway. He loves trucks and cars and trams – he’s not a doll boy. His orientation will be whatever it is, and it will
probably be straight, which is great. But if it’s not, we certainly know what his journey will be like and we’ll be able to help him.”

When it comes to telling Ruben about his unique introduction into this world, Adrian and Jason have no solid plans, but will instead just go with the flow. “When he’s old enough, we’ll just show him and tell him this great story about how all these people came together so he could be born,” says Jason. “It’s a fantastic story. There’s no abandonment. It’s just – wow! I think he should be pretty excited about it.”

[Link: Original Article]

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Melbourne Community Voice - "When should gay dads come out to their kids?" by Tracie O'Keefe

How and when should gay dads come out to their kids? Tracie O’Keefe offers some advice.

Recently I gave a talk to gay dads about coming out to their children. One of the things I discussed was how the phrase ‘gay’ can be constricting for men who sleep with and have relationships with men. If you’ve slept with your child’s mother, you don’t ever want that child to think they were a mistake, so you’ll need to present yourself as being bisexual to your children when they were conceived.

Why come out to the kids?

Children need a number of things from parents, including food, shelter, love, education and an opportunity to explore themselves and their personalities. The most important thing, though, is to be able to trust their carers. They need to be able to believe that daddy is not a liar. Trust and honesty support love, whereas dishonesty on the part of the parent can undermine the child-parent relationship. Children are much more worried about whether they can trust daddy and is daddy fun, rather than whether he’s a screaming queen.

When is the right time to come out to your kids?

The answer to this depends on every individual family and every individual child. Certainly the sooner you start being honest with your kids, the easier it will be for them to trust you. You have to do the ground-work of ensuring your children value and respect all people equally. If you’ve taught them to be bigots, then you’ll reap what you sow.

When to come out also depends on how amiable the birth mother, wife or ex-partner is; but it can be helpful to discuss this with the adults in the family, so that they can support your disclosure. The last thing you want is your great Aunty Mavis turning up at the door and telling the twins to tell daddy that she “loves the gays, and would they please tell that to their dad?”

Where is the best place to come out?

Respect your child’s private space, which of course is generally their bedroom. Tell them in a place that’s more neutral, such as the sitting room or the garden; perhaps even have a family picnic. Just remember not to make it a drama, but simply another piece of life’s information that little Pia or Jake needs to know. Remember that wherever you tell them, it’s a memory that will stay with them for the rest of their lives. Don’t do it while you’re running around Bunning’s Hardware, either: do you really want to answer a lot of personal questions while in the checkout queue?

What is the best approach to ensure material is broached sensitively?

Stories are great vehicles for seeding the ideas that being a gay man or a man who loves men is OK. Expose them to stories of happy gay families and happy heterosexual families. Remember to normalise the gay experience. It will now of course be very useful to point out that Professor Dumbledore from the Harry Potter series is gay; that he is a very happy wizard who is every nice person’s friend – and he can do magic.

How can I still be credible to my family?

Credibility is about honesty, trust, decency and kindness, not about whether you fit into other people’s rigid ideas, philosophies or religions. Your job as a father is to give your children a role model by which to live their life; and to instill values that will lead them to happiness. It’s not about the misery of keeping up with the Joneses. Be proud of being queer and show other people that you are proud by teaching your children how to respect you.

Dealing with the future

Just think about the advantages of your child having a gay or queer dad; they get to go to Pride March and Carnival. One obvious advantage from your child’s perspective is that if daddy has a boyfriend, you might even get more presents on your birthday; you also get someone who came out and put themselves on the line to love you and tell you the truth about themselves.

It could help for families to get some family counseling to deal with the complications that may occur due to power-sharing between two homes. Some men prefer to stay in the relationship with their ex-wife or partner because they are such good friends, but dads should make sure they know their rights of access to their children in all situations.

Remember that lack of trust in a parent is the foundation for many mental disorders later in life, but that parental trust, honesty and love helps children transcend all life’s difficulties and helps them remember daddy fondly.

Dr Tracie O’Keefe DCH is an individual, family, couples and sex therapist. Visit www.tracieokeefe.com .

[Link: Original Article]

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Sydney Star Observer - "Prospective Rainbow Parents Wanted" by Cara Davis

PROSPECTIVE RAINBOW PARENTS WANTED by Cara Davis

Cathy and her female long-term partner have long dreamt of becoming parents, but have struggled to find a gay couple to co-parent with.

The women want to find a gay man who is interested in their child’s life, but the opportunities for meeting and socialising with other prospective parents are rare.

For years, lesbians and gay men have been asking Dominic Gili from Rainbow Families where they can meet others to co-parent with but, with so few options available, Gili has had to suggest placing an advertisement in a local paper, or joining an online forum.

Gili, through Rainbow Families, has now organised a night for prospective rainbow parents at the Bank Hotel, Newtown, on Monday 26 November.

Gili said the night is intended to help those who have hopes of becoming parents and have not met someone to co-parent with. But it also will give people the opportunity to share stories and discuss child-related issues.

“Like-minded people can just come together and chat, and someone might make a contact who, down the track, they can co-parent with,” he said.

“It sounds too much like a dating game when you say it that way, but there is just no forum for that in Sydney at the moment.”

Gili said he had received a lot of interest from the men wishing to be dads, via the Gay Dads NSW group, and now hoped to spread the word among the lesbian community.

The Prospective Rainbow Parents night will start at 7pm. For more information email Dominic at nsw@gaydadsaustralia.com or call 0400 296 253 or 9573 0372.

[Link: Original Article]

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The Age - "Parent case may alter 'family'" by Karen Kissane

IN A case that could change the definition of "family", a gay man who fathered a child has asked the Family Court to recognise his gay partner as a co-parent.

At a child access hearing in Melbourne yesterday, a registrar warned that the men were asking for a special status not normally given to parents in blended relationships.

"People separate or they have other partners, but (the new partners) are not regarded as having the same rights as biological parents, or the same parental responsibilities," the registrar said.

"That's what (the applicants) want, and it's not what is usually given. It's a vexed issue."

A trial expected next year will decide whether the father's partner can be recognised by the court as having "shared parental responsibility" for the child, to whom he has no biological link.

The child, a boy, lives mostly with his biological mother and her lesbian partner. He was conceived within their longstanding relationship using sperm donated by the gay father.

The mother and father agreed that both would have a role in his upbringing.

The mother's and father's relationship has since broken down. A report to the court by an independent expert said the boy was happy, confident, articulate and creative. He was affectionate with both couples, but regarded the women as his parents.

Yesterday's hearing was over an application by the father to have more time with the boy.

The expert report had suggested he see more of his father, who was a significant figure in his life. The child's independent lawyer told the court: "(He) needs more time with his father, whether his mother likes it or not."

The registrar reserved his decision about increased access for the father.

[Link: Original Article]

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